Law Humor

By Judge Jerry Buchmeyer

From Patrick Wright of Dallas, these excerpts from the deposition of his client, who was suing Kentucky Fried Chicken because he "had been beaten up at a KFC store by another patron who was angry because of the slow service," allegedly because KFC failed to provide adequate security. Unfortunately, according to Patrick, his client had "a few personal problems that came to light" during the deposition - he was an alcoholic, he had "a terrible habit of exaggerating the facts," and could give President Clinton lessons in "evasiveness and obfuscation."

Q. And what was the reason that [your] marriage ended?
A. Mutual descent.
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Q. Was that the first time you had been in that particular KFC restaurant?

A. No, sir.

Q. Just ballpark, how many times do you think you had been there before in your life?

A. Probably 500.
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Q. Had you ever had any bad experiences on any of the other 500 or so times that you had been in that restaurant before your assault?

A. I had had very slow, incourteous service a few times, which was just natural for KFC, that restaurant, which you could get 400, 500 people to testify to, but no - violence that I could particularly see, you know...

Q. You're talking about gangs and things of that nature. Do you have any reason to believe that this is a particularly gang-oriented area where this restaurant is located?

A. I've been informed by the policeman that came to the scene of the accident.

Q. And what did that police officer tell you?

A. I don't remember exactly because I - you know, I had a bashed up head and nose and my eyes were both closed.
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Q. From the very beginning, you smelled alcohol on Mr. Shedd?

A. No, not at the very beginning.

Q. When did you first smell the alcohol on Mr. Shedd?

A. I think the first time I really smelled it on him was when he was knocking my head up against the door of the car.

Full post as published by Say What! on September 24, 2008 (boomark / email).