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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Ponzi Supernova and Madoff Cornering The Market in Hot Chocolate

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To: Steve Fishman
From: Bernie

Steve- I was happy to give you plenty of my time so that you could provide Amazon with a packaged audio series of episodes that offered credible insight. That said, after a very special and hot chick friend of mine in Oregon tipped me off to the jibber jabber media reviews of the Ponzi Supernova series that launched this week, I'm scratching my head as to why you would include shining a spotlight on my hot chocolate powder business.

First of all, I need the IRS sending me an audit notice just as much as I need a sharp pencil jabbed into my eyeball.

Secondly, now that you've disclosed my tiny entrepreneurial project, you've completely f*%ked up my supply chain. Now my sources in the kitchen are going to gouge me, and in turn, I'll either have to raise my street prices, or I'll have to include a packet of mini-marshmallows for free with every sale. This place only sells the plain Swiss Miss product; that means I'll have to source marshmallows inside Butner, and trust me when I tell you that's no easy trick here.

Third, you can redeem yourself by using your rolodex and contacting the people at Conagra--those are the folks that make this stuff--and inspire them to strike a sponsorship deal with me. If you don't know how to structure a sponsorship/brand ambassador deal, reach out to the Trump team, I'm hearing they've now got a 20-person crew working in offices in the basement of Trump Plaza to form all kinds of pacts.

In the mean time, I'm hoping you'll reach out to Jeff Bezos's people at Amazon and remind them that my deal with you requires them to include a link to my blog so that I might be able to get some ad revenue from the Ponzi Supernova audio series--which I donate to charities (and also use to maintain inventory of Swiss Mix!)

Bernie
P.S. Please contact the dolts at Google who are responsible for displaying the stupid warning banner in front of people who are visiting this blog. It says "there have been complaints about inappropriate content on this blog." Are they f*%king kidding?! Every time "The Donald" tweets something, THAT should be considered inappropriate content, not my stuff!!