Miscellaneous

Prostitutophobe Comes Out of the Closet

It turns out that the governor of the great state of New York (where I live, incidentally) "acted in a way that violated the obligations to my family and that violates my ? or any ? sense of right and wrong," presumably by inserting his fifth appendage into a mystery vacancy in exchange for money. Elliot Spitzer (shown to the left, illustrating his penis size), formerly our state's political wunderkind who won his election by a bazillion percentage points on the strength of his record as attorney general (where he shot and killed prostitutes on the spot without due process), was ironically linked to a prostitution ring.

Apparently, federal investigators using newfangled Walkie Talkie technology learned that Spitzer had arranged for a meet with a high-priced prostitute (or low-priced escort, depending on how you look at it). She was to travel from New York to Washington to service Mr. Spitzer's sexual needs, which purportedly involved children's blocks, alphabet soup, and cotton-polyester blends.

It does not appear that Spitzer will step down from his position. It is expected, however, that he will no longer pay for sex.

Update: Reports from an affidavit indicate that "Client Number 9" paid $5000 to have sex with a 5'5 brunette prostitute. Whew! There's no way that could be Spitzer! A state governor could never afford $5,000.

Update II: This just in: Male-pattern baldness and large ears may have created deep insecurity in Spitzer, compelling him to pay for sex. Criminal attorneys currently developing Avacor defense.

Full post as published by Quiz Law on March 10, 2008 (boomark / email).