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In My Pants: How Not to Get There

By Grace

So a couple of weeks ago, I was in D.C. for the SLDN Annual fundraising dinner. It's a snappy black tie thingy and I got to go with Army Girl, and got to wear an awesome dress. More on the dinner in another post. (Yeah VCUGirl, be scared.)

Anyway, the afternoon of the dinner, Army Girl and I were at the nail salon getting manis & pedis. (Shut it, Fannie. Everyone calls them manis and pedis) And while I've got my hands under the nail dryer machine thing, this super tall, super big woman ("STSBW"), came and sat across from me. Here's what went down:

STSBW: Well, hello there.

Grace: Hi.

STSBW: I'm Cindy. What's your name?

Grace: Hi. Grace. That's my friend Armygirl over there.

STSBW: Nice to meet you, Grace. You're quite a looker. (seriously, she said "looker") I work for the Department of Defense. What do you do?

Grace: Um. I'm a criminal prosecutor. In Chicago.

STSBW: I think I need to keep my eye on you, Grace-From-Chicago. Do you have a business card?

Grace: Um.. my nails are wet, I can't get one. but my email address is fakeemailaddress(at)yourmom(dot)com. Hey Army Girl! We gotta go!!! Nice to meet you, Cindy.

STSBW: VERY nice to meet you Grace. Next time you're in town, I want some one on one with you.

Grace: OK bye!!!

Army Girl: Well that was pretty gross!

Grace: That was the most aggressive lesbian I've ever met.

Army Girl: Grace. That wasn't a woman. That was a dude. That was a transsexual.

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The above story, and the fact that Cindy turned out to be a dude, really has nothing to do with the point of this post. The point of the post is that there are places where you JUST DO NOT HIT ON PEOPLE.

And the nail salon is one such place. I don't know if I could come up with a definitive list of places where one can or one can't try and hit on people, but i think a good rule of thumb is, don't hit on people who can't get up and leave. In a nail salon, you're hands are held hostage for fear of scuffing. Everyone in there is there for the same reason. To have pretty fingers. Any conversation that goes further than the cooing of "oooooh great color for toes!" needs to not ever happen.

So here are some other places where you shouldnt try and hit on people.

The gynecologists office.

Waiting Rooms of therapists

The Gym. SERIOUSLY.

Bond Court

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You can hit on me in the grocery store IF YOU DON'T

1. ask me if you can "be my dessert"

2. ask to share my bottle of wine

3. Introduce yourself as Uncle Randy

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If you're a MALE COP-

You cannot pull me over to ask me out
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If you're a FEMALE COP-

You can
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I got bored halfway through my own post. I'll try to come up with more later.

Feel free to add to the list.

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Full post as published by Law with Grace on March 20, 2008 (boomark / email).