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: Butterflyfish

Pain and Positive

I have not had a positive pregnancy test since three years ago this month. May 2007. A few weeks thereafter, I got my period. I've been told I wasn't "really" pregnant -- my body just temporarily thought it was. Called a chemical pregnancy. Bullshit. I called it a miscarriage.

We have been trying for years, but we didn't plan to start any interventions until later this summer / fall because of my *new one-year job* which starts soon. I mean, I had an extensive track record that said that I wasn't getting pregnant any time soon . . . not on my own anyway. We were never careful. Why would we be? My uterus was its own birth control device.

So I just had a completely unexpected positive pregnancy test. And did a second to be sure. I called my doc Friday, but she didn't get back to me. No worries. I'll call Monday.

So, great right? Hasn't planned on saying anything more, even here, until I confirmed with a doctor this week. All is well.

Until...

At about 1:30 in the morning last night, I had excruciating pain that woke me up. Even though I made all the recommended dietary changes, I had another f***ing kidney stone attack. There needs to be a word that means knife-stabbing-horror-pain. But I didn't go to the emergency room like last time. Why? They'd want to x-ray me. I can't get an x-ray. They'd want to prescribe really strong pain meds. I can't take really strong pain meds. Plus I know what it is this time. So I thought I'd grit my teeth and put up with it til morning.

I didn't sleep. I googled and found out I should consume lemon juice every hour. I consumed lemon juice. I stood in the shower and let the water relax me some. I watched Lady Gaga videos. I walked the halls. The minutes ticked by slowly. At 3:30, I couldn't take it. So I took some Advil. Because I know that the pain would get out of control and if I didn't get ahead of it, I might end up needing those really strong prescription meds after all. And at 4:30, the pain subsiding somewhat, I fell asleep again for an hour.

I know Tylenol is the preferred pain med during pregnancy. Tylenol doesn't work on kidney pain, in my experience. Advil/Motrin does.

Now I am doubly terrified. 1) that I am not really pregnant. 2) that I really am, and I've hurt the baby.

Don't expect me to be logical. I am tired. I'll keep you posted once I've seen a doctor.

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Oh, and FYI, other than hubby, no one in real life knows about any of this.

Full post as published by Butterflyfish on May 17, 2010 (boomark / email).