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Jury Freaking Duty

By "Daisy Duke"

I got a notice in the mail today that I've been randomly selected as a potential juror in the United States District Court. Maybe I wouldn't be so annoyed if this wasn't the third time since living in the Big City I've gotten jury duty. I have only lived here for three years. You do the math.

Time # 1: I had to call an automated system the night before to see if I was needed. I had to take the day off ahead of time and lo and behold, they didn't need me because apparently there were not enough jury trials that day. I slept in and picked my toes the next day instead of working. I also didn't get to collect my check for $17.52 or see if any of my friends were defending any of the defendants down at the criminal courthouse.

Time # 2: Me, my laptop, and my lawschool textbooks took a trip down to the criminal courthouse where we hung out in the jury room all day, walked through a horrible neighborhood to find some food for lunch and got $17.52 at the end of the day. I then took a very scary route back to school. I also got an "exemption" from serving at any time in the next twelve months. That exemption expired....oh...three months ago, give or take.

Time # 3: Letter in the mail from District Court with a form to fill out to see if I am exempt from jury duty, because if not, I'm up baby. After scanning the form and answering the questions (Shouldn't the question about understanding English come first? Not fourth?) I realized that the following do not fit into exemptions:

- Graduating from law school
- Being otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam (please take mercy on me)
- Working for BPLF whose law firm routinely asks jurors for bajillions of dollars
- Watching your boss select three juries and knowing that you are, in fact, biased

You know what is an exemption? Being over the age of 70. Apparently being over the age of 70 makes you ineligible but I, the 24 year old who is trying to graduate from LAW SCHOOL is eligible (FOR THE THIRD TIME I MIGHT ADD) to be a possible juror.

Hmph. There is a "Remarks" section but I highly doubt telling them any of the above information is going to be helpful. Mostly because there is a very limited list of things you are allowed to write in the remarks section and none of those things made the all important list of things you are allowed to write.

The letter also does not tell me when I will hear back from the Clerk of the Court, however if I don't return it within 10 days I am dead meat. (Ok fine. Not dead meat. But they'll make me come fill it out in person while they WATCH ME DO SO and then they will probably suck my brains out the back of my head when I try to leave. Federal Court is like that.)

I am so cancelling my drivers license because if this causes me to have to watch one more horrible video from 1974 with a Chief Judge explaining the "judicial system" and "plaintiffs" and "defendants" and "evidence" I might just go and cry and think God is laughing at me for shopping online during civil procedure.

Full post as published by Legally Blonde Ambition on April 23, 2008 (boomark / email).