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A House Divided... Stands Just Fine

By Anonymous

I got a comment the other day asking me, "How can you and JP have such a good relationship with such differing political views?" and since I'd imagine most of you are tired of reading about my tiredness, I figured I'd respond. Yes, JP and I have different political views- on some issues, very different political views- but living together in peace, love, and general harmony is really not that hard. People disagree on all kinds of things; I don't think there's a couple out there who agrees on everything. And while politics can be incendiary, it hasn't caused any fires for us yet (though there has been smoke).

Politics is actually a shared passion and hobby for us, and I'd much rather be married to someone who loves it and disagrees with me than someone who is ambivalent. I love that he always comes home wanting to talk about some news story he read and I love that we email articles back and forth during the day. Both of our beliefs are based in facts and research, and we can- and do- defend them on a regular basis. His disagreement makes me smarter. Sometimes I modify my views, sometimes he changes his, but most of them time we hold on with more strength and surety after a good debate.

We agree on most of the issues I feel strongest about. We're both pro-choice and pro-gay marriage (well, I should clarify, in case he ever actually reads this blog, that he's not so much for gay marriage as he is against the government telling a couple they can't do something based on the evangelical right, which he hates and thinks is ruining his party), and we both loathe Bush and think the Iraq war was grossly mismanaged. I think it was a bad idea altogether, he does not. We disagree on all kinds of other things, among them our choice of presidential candidate. I admit that after a night of staying up hours too late, determined to convince the other of the the rectitude of our own position, I have thought about how nice it would be if he just agreed with me (I've never thought it would be easier if I agreed with him ;). But because we don't make the debates personal or turn them into attacks of character, I really enjoy them. Passion in a marriage is good thing. Before the 2008 presidential campaign started up, we were agreeing on so much it kind of got boring (one thing I can thank the Bush administration for is bringing us together politically, at least for a little while).

We've never had an argument (or even a difference of opinion) about finances or children. He is unfailingly supportive of my career and doesn't consider any household duty to be "my" job. On our second date when I told him I wanted to work after having children (it was a very big deal to me and I grew up in a lovely suburb that led me to think I was quite radical in that desire), he looked at me like I was a little crazy and said, well, of course, why wouldn't you? That mattered more to me than who he voted for in the previous election. He loves my family and is an amazing father. Tonight when Landon threw up little pieces of carrot and noodle all over the living room floor, JP stripped him, handed him to me for a bath, and spent 45 minutes cleaning all the pukey pieces out of the carpet, the tray, and even used a q-tip to get to the insides of the legs of the high chair. In short, I adore him, even if his views on immigration occasionally make me want to tear my hair out.

Our debates are based in love and mutual respect, and while life would sometimes be easier if we just agreed on foreign policy, I look forward to a future of defending my political beliefs. And I hope that our kids grow up reading, asking questions, and joining in what I imagine will be spirited dinner table conversations.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on April 28, 2008 (boomark / email).