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Today I was scheduled to work from home which was supposed to be glorious- productive, in my comfy clothes & a few extra minutes of sleep before hitting the deck. It wasn't until after I'd slept in and went to plug my work laptop in that I realized- like a total moron- I'd left my work laptop at work.  (This story is a lot better when I tell it correctly. I left the laptop at work and I was at home, in traffic a good 1.5 hours away) After some tears, panicking, emails and phone calls we found things for me to do without some software that I really needed- but this left a few of my coworkers picking up the ends where I couldn't complete some tasks that had a deadline today. Already feeling like a schmuck, I later got some emails eviscerating some articles I had written. Articles that for better or for worse went through edits with every one of my coworkers- and somehow, at the end, was still wrong. Add this on top of the fact that most of my articles have required a serious overhaul and I'm left thinking that I'm doing a horrible job. 

I know there is a learning curve & the subject matter is very technical- that it takes some level of figuring it out & learning through trial and error. That doesn't erase the sting of opening my redlined documents, filled with comments about how we don't do that here, or insert that information here. A lot of it seems picky & arbitrary and it doesn't always seem consistent. Add that to multiple people having a different view on how to do something followed by being told privately that so-so doesn't really always do it properly leads me making a lot of mistakes. I've caught on to a lot- but at the same time there are so many things I keep dropping that I'm beginning to feel a bit...downtrodden. Dumb. Unable to grasp simple concepts. 

Everyone makes mistakes and I suppose your true character shows when you deal with the aftermath of the mistakes. I'm still feeling pretty bruised about leaving my laptop at home (ego = smithereens) and I need to learn to take a few deep breaths when my product comes back with the red ink all over it.

Part of me feels like my brother in kindergarten- my Mom found him coloring his homework & then using his red crayon to circle everywhere he went outside the lines. When my Mom asked him what he was doing he shrugged and said "Well Ms. Smith is going to do it anyway." 

So tonight I shall relax & try to wake up with my rose colored glasses on tomorrow. That and remember to put on underwear and take my wallet with me to work- you know, the basics. Apparently those are tough ones too. 

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