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So Much to Say, Not Enough Words to Convey?

As I?m sure many of you have noticed, posting on this blog has become pathetic at best and horrendous at worst. So what?s been going on? Well, 3rd year has started, first semester is about half way done, I?m still plugging away at my internship in the DA?s office, and I am still horribly over-committing myself to far to many activities, so much that I don?t know anymore how the hell I find time to sleep.

That aside, I think my lack of non-blogging goes deeper than being too busy and too tired and too overwhelmed with life. That excuse only works for so long. It?s kind of like saying that you never go to they gym because you just don?t have enough minutes in the day. At some point that excuse gets ridiculous, if you really want to do something for yourself, be it hitting the gym or writing on a blog, you find time for yourself everyday, even if it is just a few minutes here and there.

I don?t really know what hit me last week, maybe it was the new episode of Grey?s Anatomy or maybe it was the marathon of Sex and the City season 2 that I indulged in, but somehow I finally came to the realization that I?m in a serious funk, I have been for quite some time, and I need to snap out of it. I just haven?t been myself lately, and by lately I mean over a year, if not two.

I would love to blame it all on law school, or an ex, or family drama, but that would just be avoidance, and avoidance is exactly what I have been doing for far too long. Avoidance is the reason I?m here, in this funk. It?s the reason why I sometimes don?t even know who the hell I am or what I want to be. The ?too busy? excuse is how my avoidance tendencies have manifested themselves. I have taken on so much in school and work over the past year because it?s easy and comfortable and safe. If alcoholics avoid their problems with liquor and shopaholics mask their problems with Coach handbags and Gucci sunglasses, then I?m a workaholic who avoids the day-to-day trials of life by hiding behind the veil of work and ?success.? Instead of just admitting to myself that I?m sad, confused, scared, and lonely, I?ve been telling myself for far too long that I?m just stressed, overworked and tired, but that it will all be worth it in the end because ?success? is the ultimate gift that will one day take away the pain associated with sadness, confusion, fright, and loneliness.

So that brings me back to blogging, I?ve though about posting almost every day since I last posted back in August. I actually observe many amusing things on a daily basis and there is plenty of stuff to write about at the end of the day. But lately, at the end of the day, it?s just been easier to avoid blogging, than to try and come up with something semi-interesting or worthwhile to post.

So that?s my story, probably way more info and way more dull than anyone was hoping for in an update. As a part of trying to make myself return to some sense of normalcy I?m going to start forcing myself to more regularly post the mundane, useless ramblings that started this blog in the first place. And I?m also going to get to updated those out of date links and headlines over to the left :)

Thanks for reading, hope to see you all on the other side of the tunnel of funk?

Full post as published by [ Useless Dicta ] on October 02, 2008 (boomark / email).