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Really? 40?

By Grace

Yep.  I'm 40.  Just happened the other day. 40. Years. Old. 

I sure don't feel 40.  For a lot of reasons. Here are some of them in no particular order. 

I don't feel 40 because I went to law school in my 30's, and a lot of my law school friends are on average 8 years or so younger than me. 

I don't feel 40 because because I just got married 2 years ago.  Wasn't I supposed to do that 10 years ago or so?

I don't feel 40 because I still go commando, like, most of the time. 

I don't feel 40 because I don't look 40. 

I don't feel 40 because all the moms around me at the toddler playgrounds are 30ish. 

I don't feel 40 because I DON'T HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER AND 40 YEAR OLDS HAVE THEIR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't feel 40 because I still like ramen noodles.  A lot. 

I don't feel 40 because I swear a lot. 

however...

i feel forty because my back hurts a lot sometimes for no good reason

i feel forty because i worry about dying

i feel forty because i can't day drink anymore

i feel forty because sometimes when i try on clothes i ask myself if it looks like i'm "trying too hard" to look twenty

i feel forty because the most expenisve product i have is anti-wrinkle cream

i feel forty because i don't know who the fuck anyone is in people magazine anymore

My husband asked what I wanted for my birthday this year.  I said a flash mob.  He said no.  He did throw me a very nice surprise party, though, took me to the theatre, and gave me a pretty blue box, containing pretty fancy jewelry. All in all a pretty spectacular weekend. 

I try to get past the whole number thing.  I really do.  And to everyone who says, "It's just a number", well that's true.  It is just a number, but it's a number with weight. 
And meaning.
And presumptions.
And back fat. 

Full post as published by Law with Grace on March 18, 2013 (boomark / email).