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Warming Up..Just Like Bernie Said It Would..

What every one has been shvitzing about it is beyond me. Those meshugenah judges in CT racing around with their freezing this and freezing that--well, like I said, no legal argument to support that stupid idea, so the freeze was thawed out two hours ago.

So, Mark--you can go back into Garelick and Herbs, and Walter, you and your Easter Egg basket full of blond-haired, blue-eyed shicksa goddesses don't have to worry so much today. The air is nice and warm today, and your f--king house isn't frozen anymore. Oy, what a pain.

Speaking of frigid, Shana; I'm only your Uncle Bernie, but you've always been the daughter that I never had (and trust me, I could have done without the two sons that I do have)--but I'm hearing some silly things, like you're being worried about what's going to happen to you, and some nonsense about maybe you going to jail. For what?? Don't be ridiculous.

The first thing that's going to happen is that everyone is going to find out that loudmouth piece of garbage in the photo below is nothing more than a publicity hound--and like most convicted felons, he lied through his teeth when he said that you had "called him for advice".

And Shana, don't worry..about anything. At least for the time being. Trust Uncle Bernie. But, stay away from Andy and the leg waxing thing. We're not sure what's going on with him right now.

For everyone else, here's that guy Larry Levine's mug shot--a Jewish guy no less--anybody that sees him on the street has my permission to kick him in the ass.

Note: convicted felon is defined as someone that's been sentenced. I haven't been sentenced to squat, just yet anyway.

Next: On behalf of Ruth--

To: Mr. Larry Liar Levine, if you really want to make a couple of bucks from the Madoffs--I'm happy for you to pay a call on that fageluh hairdresser "Pierre Michel"...You'd like him because he's almost as big a liar as you are. (Yes, I noticed that you're a big guy...but there's a few in here that are bigger than you are, trust me..)

Anyway--this fag Pierre has the nerve to tell the NY Post that Ruth isn't invited to his hair dressing shop anymore. He forgot to tell everyone that she's never even been to his place, and trust me, I've got the bills from Louis Licari to prove it! She's been at Licari's almost 3x times a week for the past eight years..Do you have any idea what that's cost???

Last-To Not So Little Daphne Merkin-

Sweetheart--I don't remember meeting you, but since you and Ezra look so much alike, I might have mistaken you for him the once or twice we were introduced. Anyway--I'm thinking that you shouldn't be getting any heat from that article you wrote--blame the f--king NY Times...they're completely irresponsible.

Just because you didn't disclose that you're Ezra's sister doesn't mean that "failure to disclose" is some kind of a family thing. I'm sure its not. But I've seen your pictures, so you don't need to disclose or disrobe anything. Trust me when I tell you this.

If Ezra is pretending he doesn't have enough money to lend you, we might be able throw a few crumbs your way. But sweetheart, don't eat them.

Contact my editor at scarlettsmom@gmail.com and send her your resume and maybe some other examples of your work. If you have blogging experience that's important. I don't know what blogging experience means, but the kid that publishes DealBroker or BrokenDeals or whatever that rag is called--he can explain the job description.

Me? I stick with reading FinAlterantives Great stuff. And, I'd really like to shtick their cute little editor, but Ruth says I need to control myself these days.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 13, 2009 (boomark / email).