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: Bernard Madoff

Sweet Sonja

Dear Irving:

I'm appalled at your allegations! Because of all the publicity that your stupid press releases are creating,  I'm going to have to move out of Montebello and go back to Majorca!

Do you think there's a Bagel Boys there?? I don't think so!

And, your ridiculous suggestion that I'm "a master of disguise and pose the risk of easily transforming myself into a man" is simply cruel!

Two years ago, I emphatically and unequivocally stated that I had never received any money from Cohmad. I stand by that.

So what if someone produced phony canceled checks! All of a sudden, you're going to believe Dopamine? What would he know? Ask Sonny Cohn's daughter what happened!

Aside from my having to keep 6 bodyguards around me 24/7 (Oy! They are cute, though!), your lawsuit against me is meshugenah! $19 billion?! Do I look like a Picower??

Calling me Bernie's "criminal soul mate"?! That's like saying Nan Bongiorno was Bernie's muse!

Just so that you know, I've got Paul K.'s lawyer working on a libel counter-claim against you! I'm going after every penny you've made so far, and every penny that you'll ever make! See how that feels!

By the way, you know that I keep kosher, so your putting a lobster logo on those claw back letters is harassment! I'm going to sue you for that, too!

Sonja Kohn

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on December 10, 2010 (boomark / email).