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#Madoff Unleashes #Tsunami on Friday

From: Midas Madoff
To: Charlie Sheen

I never carried on like Allen Stanford, that's why he got caught early and why my acting career lasted so long. I don't know you, but Benny Silverman asked me to proffer some advice.

To S. Gerson, Esq.
From B. Madoff
cc: My New Mouthpiece

Rule #1. Lawyers should never opine to the media on what they think the outcome of a case might be. In '09 you said :   Investors who lost their money when they entrusted it to Bernie Madoff are likely to get "pennies on the dollar, if that," according to Stuart Gerson, a lawyer with the national firm Epstein Becker & Green.

 Irv P. is obviously on the path to prove you wrong, by more than a mile. Even if it won't be til next Tisha B'Av at the earliest, most of the people should be getting back 100 cents on the dollar.


To: Jamie
From Bernie
As long as we're talking about pennies on the dollar, now I'm hearing how you're planning to circumvent the new ATM bank fee rules--the ones that are supposed to cap how much you people can charge retailers  when people like my wife uses her debit card..  Your "work around" to limit the max amount on a single purchase, and force people to make 4x as many transactions when they're standing at the grocery store is just plain nuts. 

Trust me when I tell you that Barney Frank's people read this blog every day, and I'm guessing there must be a few people left in Washington that can still do straight math. Right now, you're charging 44 cents to the retailer every time a card is swiped. Dodd-Frank ruled that it should go down to 12 cents. You're claiming you'll lose $ billions of profit. 

Let me see if I get this...you and Shitty Bank lost tens of billions by making stupid loans. Your shareholders got slaughtered. Hank Paulson & Co. bailed you out (not your shareholders), so that you could pay yourselves tens of millions in salary and bonus. Now you're going back down the slippery slope with a three card monte game? Puhlease.


What..you think nobody in Washington reads this blog ?! If it wasn't for THIS blog, do you think Mary would have had to schlep her ass downtown yesterday to plead mea culpa on the topic of conflicts of interest?


And, while we're on the topic of shlepping, here's a heads up to the FAA, along with you airline operators. How and why the f*ck are the airlines, companies that are supposed to be quasi-regulated, --why are you being allowed to goose the price of tickets on religious holidays? That's right, Ruth tried to book tickets for Passover and told me the air fares for the two days before and two days after Passover cost 2x as much as any other four day period across March, April,  May and June.

You people in Washington want to hold hearings about discrimination against Muslims, yet at the same time, you're busy letting the airlines screw all of the Jews?! Ike--if you don't put your class action suit on, I'm going to have to take Susie off the divorce projects and focus on this!

Last--Susie--tell that other lawyer with the same last name that you're still using that, "What? you need to be be hit in the head by a tsunami to know that it really is the real Bernie that's doing this blogging?".
Darling, that shmeckel is tuning in 5x a day now..what's with that? What? I should send him chocolates too?! Not happening!
I know that I'm a damn genius, but jesus, doesn't he have anything better to do than stalk my blog?
Shanah Tovah.
Bernie

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 11, 2011 (boomark / email).