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Madoff Story is NOT Funny!! Ask Jane Wells!!

Sure, sure, they found a bunch of f--king checks in my desk that I was getting ready to mail. Of course I was. I'm an honest guy and I promised to send some cash to family and special investors. If Jodi had kept stamps in the goddamn office, they would have gone out, and there'd be 20 less people kvetching about not getting their bonuses!! Yes, the checks totaled more than $170 million. What's your question?? This isn't news to anyone. There was plenty in the accounts to cover them. Ask my new friend Irv Picard.

So I am sorry to those that didn't get them. You know who you are. And you know I'll make good on it.

Next topic-To you media people; I don't give a crap what that FBI agent wrote down, but nobody lost "$50 billion". If he's saying I said it, I don't remember it. And I was crazy at the time. One of my fucking watches wasn't working.

The only people that know how to lose that kind of money is Hank Paulson and his rocket scientists that ripped off Congress with something called "TARP". They should have called it FART. Lots of gas that evaporated into thin air. And Hank, enough already with your press conferences. Every time you get on TV and open your mouth, the f--king market drops 300 points. Do you have any idea what that does to my portfolio??

As long as we're on the subject of media hacks--you people don't get it. And as many of you are banging on Ira's door for an interview, guess what? The only person that gets an exclusive is Janey Wells at CNBC. Wanna know why??

Because she's a hottie. That's why. And, she gets it. Ask Julie Fenwick, my office manager in London, she'll tell you that I know a hottie when I see one. And, this little Jane has a sense of humor. Andy--I'm telling you I can get you hooked up with this shicksa in a heart beat..Check out that photo in the upper left! Oy! what a body!

Ruth--shut up please, that photo is more real than the statements you mailed out!!
And, I'm doing this for Andy, not me!! Ruth, he's been lonely ever since Debbie stormed out, and that was your fault! You sent her the little Rolex, not the Piaget. Ah, good riddance to her anyway.!

And you know what's best, Andy?? This little Jane is a simple girl, she doesn't need the country clubs and the fancy shmancy stuff; burgers and fries and you're in!!
How do I know?? I talked to her today, and she told me her favorite place for dinner in LA is a burger joint called "The Orignal Tommy's" on Hollywood Blvd.

Ira-don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing. You talk to the feds, I'll talk to the reporters. But I'm only talking to Jane. She's going to help me score a book deal. Maybe a movie deal. Me Dick, She Jane. I love it.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 08, 2009 (boomark / email).