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Madoff Penthouse.. Sure, We'll Entertain Offers

To the smarty pants muckrackers that are hiding in garbage cans on 64th and taking pictures of brokers coming into our building:

Ruth and I are always interested in making a profit. On anything. Off of anyone. What's wrong with that???

With all of the publicity, the value of our co-op here on 64th has shot up 20% in the last month, so we're thinking, why not entertain offers? Actually, I put the place in Ruth's name a long time ago, so she's the one that will score the profit. Dick Fuld should have been so smart in handling his assets.

Anyway, given the lousy economy in Manhattan, this neighborhood is starting to go to crap. Every time I look down from the penthouse terrace, I'm seeing more and more panhandlers and beggars and squeegee guys. So, for us, this is really a great time to be thinking of making a few changes.

Plus, spring is around the corner, and we're thinking that our place in Montauk is going to be a lot more comfortable. The kids can bring their fishing poles, and we can fish right from the beach in our back yard. And we can keep the boat over at the Montauk Yacht Club, right down the road.

We're thinking $8.5 million is a bargain price, especially for some of you guys that are busy cashing those bonus checks that just came through. I guess I should stop pissing on Hank Paulson, after all, if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have gotten those checks, and I wouldn't be flipping Ruth's place to you! Only in America, right?

Beyond that, I won't answer a lot of questions about the place, but anyone that's interested is going to have answer a lot of questions. Not just anyone gets into this building. Trust me, I ran the co-op board for the last 15 years, and even Matt Lauer will tell you this place has strict requirements.

I can tell you that our place is a penthouse, and its got 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a den with a 52" screen and a library. You can guess that Ruth has spent a f--king fortune on decorating--even my library makes John Thain's (former) office at Merrill look like a cubicle. Trust me; he sent over photos of what he spent the $1.2 mil on. Dreck.

We've got a new security firm, so anybody that wants a tour is not only going to have put down a deposit first, but you're going to have to go through a background check. Just like the kind of background check that everyone did on my investment firm.

If you do get in to see the place--you're going to need to leave your shoes and your overcoats in the lobby. And, don't forget to squirt yourself with my favorite hand sanitizer before you touch anything in my place! I mean Ruth's place. Its all hers.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 30, 2009 (boomark / email).