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#Madoff Mourning

My darling Ruth-

I know you want to put this on me, and lay the "sins of the father" on my lap, but it wasn't my fault. Its not as if I didn't give both of the boys everything in the world.

What kind of wife would leave our kid home alone with a 2 year old?!  What was that girl thinking??!

Well, nobody's going to be thinking straight right now, so once again, its up to me.

1.I'm sure the police have taken the dog leash as part of the evidence. That damn dog is going to need to be walked or it'll crap all over the place; tell Marty there's a spare leash in the pantry next to the laundry room.

2. I'm hearing that Picard has already filed a claw back suit to recover the $400 holiday tip that Mark gave the attendant in his parking garage yesterday morning. Talk about suing ham sandwiches!

Well, whatever. If you ask me, suing Sonja for $60 billion is even more ludicrous, but he's getting paid by the hour, so "good luck to him" is all that I can say.  And no, I didn't shtupp her, and that's not why Mark did what he did! Anyway, that kid from the parking garage is going to need a lawyer, and Ike says he'll be happy to reduce his rate.

3. They say they're going to let me out to attend the funeral. I'll be flying in to Teterboro tomorrow night. This is going to be our big chance for that "extended holiday" we've been talking about. Unless of course, Andy does something equally stupid.

There's going to be a bunch of guys wearing ball caps that look like me. It'll be easy to create a distraction. Once we have everybody looking the other way, I'll be able to sneak out a side door.

I've hired the guy in the clip below to sing at the service (Neil Diamond said he was booked, sorry!). Anyway, its a perfect distraction! All eyes will be on him. Junior says its a can't miss.
Don't forget to bring the bag with you.

And, don't worry; its always darkest before the dawn.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on December 11, 2010 (boomark / email).