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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Madoff Family Owns the Movie Rights!!

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I almost chocked on my bagel and shmear when I saw that someone is proposing that Robert Klein play me in a new movie. As much as I think Bob is a good looking guy, and he does look a lot like me, I've said this before, nobody but me is authorized to negotiate film rights!

Ira-take a note of that article in that LA paper. If we're doing anything in LA, I'm having Jane Wells over at CNBC handle this for us. She's already talking to Stevie Spielberg for me. He's still a little grouchy about the account statements, so we'll let him do the film to make everyone happy.

Next- Yes, I saw that my sister Sondra is now kvetching to the NY Post..What do I say?? Enough Sandy! The Weiner's don't need to be whining to the news people! Jesus, didn't Ruth just send you a package with almost $1mil in diamonds and watches??? On top of that, didn't I put your son Chuck on my payroll just to keep everyone happy??!! He's taken home millions over the years!! And, telling people you've lost $3mil is stupid. Do you forget where you got the $500k to invest in the first place?? Enough already!

Listen, Sandy, if you're having a problem with cash, call up Mark. I've made arrangements with him. He's got plenty to help the family with. If you don't believe me, ask those smarty pants reporters from Bloomberg. BTW- I'm canceling my Bloomberg terminal next week. I need to be paying those bastards $1800 a month when they're busy torching me in the press?? Forget that! Mark-see to that please.

And Andy--do you really need to be seen eating at Campagnola and partying it up with some shiksa?? You're gallivanting around like that idiot Donny Deutche! I told you, I'm hooking you up with little Janey Wells!

Sure, the food is good at Campagnola, but Christ, every gossip in NYC hangs out there. You want another picture in the NY Post?? Andy, start thinking with the head on your shoulders, not the other one!!! Jesus. Ruth--this kid is driving me nuts, already!

Last- Lots of people are asking me to put some kind of gadget on this blog where people can ask questions, and where I can answer them--so that everyone can see.
First, I'm not so good with computers. Second, I'm not big on answering a lot of questions. If I answered every question that people asked, do you think I could have raised as much as I did? (Again- it wasn't $50 bill!!)

But, just like I've told the Feds, if you've got questions, I'll do the best I can to answer them. There's a lot I don't remember though. Anyway, there's a little gadget on the right column of this page..scroll down. It says "Ask Me A Question"..If its a good question, I'll post it, along with my answer in my daily updates.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 11, 2009 (boomark / email).

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