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: Bernard Madoff

I'm Letting Ruth Put In Her 2 Cents

Yes, Ruth, that big fellow to the right is scary looking. And no, its not our housekeeper's son kvetching about the Christmas bonuses. He's a singer, Ruth. And, I hear he's a pussycat. So stop with the "lets lock the doors and windows.."

More important, I wasn't the one that told him how to invest his money!! Is this someone you remember us having dinner with?? I don't think so.

Anyway, it looks to me like he's got no problems with cash, even if his name is "50 Cent". If he's got a beef, he needs to take it up with whatever schmendrick he's got managing his money.

To Zsa Zsa Gabor- I don't know you any more than I know "50 Cent". I'm only guessing that Stanley Chais was managing your money, just like he was probably handling Larry King's. I don't know. Frank D. says he doesn't know either.

But, if your husband is really worried about you having a heart attack, we have an extra defibrillator in our house in Montauk. I'll have Ira find out if we can send it you. Ruth paid $1800 for it new; but you can have it for $1200. You don't even have to pay us for it. I'll have Frank D. debit Stanley's commission account for it. If Ira says that we can't send it, call up that kid Mordy at Legend Safety and order a new one. Tell him that you'll be charging it to Ruth's account.

In the meantime, I've been watching re-runs of Green Acres..I love that show!.. Not to sound insensitive, but it seems to me like you and your husband can move to Hooterville and have a great rest of your life!!

Yes, Ruth--I'm going to get to the part about everyone's health issues.

1. They already know that I can't remember much, and I've always had mood swings. I might also have mad cow. Ira is adding that to the list.

2. Sure, we're upset about reports that Walter Noel has Alzheimer's. But if he can't remember which banks that he deposited the $500 million in fees that he made, you're right Ruth, that's really not our f--king problem.

3. Yes, Ruth-everyone knows that Peter hasn't been so well either. None of us are going to live forever.

3. Yes, Mark's kid might be wetting the bed as a result of all of the trauma. But, Ruth, the kid is only two years old!! If you're worried about bed wetters, worry about Bob Jaffe!

And besides, Mark's kid will be just fine. Mark didn't lose a dime in the firm, he's got that fancy shmancy $6.5 million house up in Nantucket, all of the fishing rods he could ever need, and a bunch of other things, so let's not make a tsimmes out of this, please!

4. Speaking of tsimmes, Ruth. No, I haven't heard back from Ira yet about your libel suit against that gal that edited your damned cook book. If you didn't really write the f--king thing, stop hocking me about the bad press you're getting. Oy.

Some housekeeping: Chuck Murphy--the kid that Walter had hired at Farifield Greenwich, wanted me to let you know that his townhouse on 67th is for sale. I hear that he paid $33 mil. Crazy if you ask me. I'm thinking it should trade at $15 mil.

More Housekeeping: To John Thain. I haven't heard back from Hank Paulson yet, but my offer to you about a top spot at MIDAS is good until next Tuesday. I've got Dick Fuld and Jimmy Cayne calling me, and both of them like the idea about me throwing in a car as part of the deal.

John- before you get back to me, you don't need to bad mouth Jimmy about what he smokes. From what I'm reading, you've burned some pretty big bridges leaving lots of smoke behind.

And, just so you know, Dick Fuld has his own rugs and artwork that he's offering to bring with him, so get back to me before Tuesday.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 24, 2009 (boomark / email).