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JPMorgan Internal #Madoff Memo

From: J.Dimon
To: Gregg Hassell

1. You apparently missed the memo: I don't want you using the email system to communicate any more questions/concerns re: any IR or PR issues.

2. Yes, I'm well aware of the upcoming Janus case before the Supreme Court, which has repeatedly held individuals that merely aided or abetted a fraud can't be sued in a private suit (as opposed to a suit brought by SEC) for damages. You don't need to put that into an internal email; its one of several cards that we have up our sleeve.
2a. Obviously, the SEC wouldn't dream of suing us re: the Madoff matter. Mary's pre-employment contract is very, very clear on that topic. The Feds? Not a chance. Their job is to invent accusations and intimidate people--like those 'expert network' firms. When was the last time an "insider-trading" charge was successfully prosecuted? They're chasing ghosts, and every once in a while, they scare people into pleading guilty to something they didn't do. But that's what they're best at.

3. Yes, I'm also aware of the recent federal court judge that upheld the arbitration award against Goldman for their role aiding/abetting the Bayou ponzi scheme. Picard didn't explore a FINRA arbitration proceeding against us, and your pointing that in an email that could get into the hands of anyone isn't helpful to us here.

That said, we've got more juice than Tropicana as far as FINRA arbitration panels are concerned, and the Bayou award against Lloyd's shop was merely part of a bigger picture. GS ruffled too many feathers, and they needed a spanking from their friends on the Street. If Picard's people want to go the arbitration route, that's fine with us; but they won't. The genie's out of the bottle.

4. You need to change your last name, or we'll have to find someone else to be a 'spokesman'. I can't believe that nobody else here figured that out before we allowed you to be quoted in the media for us.

5. Re #4; disregard that request. You're fired. Your new job is installing Chanukah displays at all of our branches in Long Island. The comments you made about Christmas trees sounded really f**king dumb.

6. Please return the toaster oven that you took from the supply room. Those are for customers of the bank, not employees.

J.Dimon
CEO

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on December 03, 2010 (boomark / email).