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: Bernard Madoff

Dear Andrew and Mark

Boys-You're doing a great job, but if you didn't like the watches that Mom and I sent, you should have just told us what you wanted, instead of calling up your lawyers and kvetching about what we sent!

Now look what's happened! Are you both idiots? You're driving me crazy with this stuff. Ira--chalk up another mark in the crazy column, would you please??

Listen, you're good boys, I love you. I paid for those multi-million dollar condo's. You know that. But keep in mind, you've been catching pikers, and I'm one that's been breaking my ass catching whales. See that fish in the picture to the right? the The one with Mark and Andy. Mark's caught a piker. That's not a whale.

See the picture to the left? That's a whale, his name is Ezra and he's holding a big fat check. He's a player. You kids have been busy eating popcorn and I've been doing the heavy lifting, especially for the past few weeks. Can you imagine lifting Ezra and his loot?? No. So please get your acts together and stop with the silliness!

On another topic; I know people are calling up Sonny Cohn every day asking him things. If he told you I didn't know how to work a computer, and that Peter is the computer whiz in the family, he's right. Ruth turned this fucking computer on for me so that I can write this blog. Outside of that, I'm a f--king imbecile when it comes to computers. So how could it be me that used fancy shmancy computer programs that created allegedly phony account statements??

And who says they were phony?? I didn't say that. Sonny Cohn didn't say that. Yeah, he says he didn't know that we had billions under management. He can't use a computer either, if he could, he could have gone to our website where it told everyone we had more than $15 billion. So what if his partner's Dad put in a few hundred mil? That's bupkus. Sure I own a piece of Cohmad Securities..(its only 15% not 20% says Sonny). So what? What do you mean "why haven't the feds frozen their bank accounts??" Who says there's anything in their bank accounts?? Do you have any idea how much Bob Jaffe's nut is?? That kid spends every dime of the commissions we pay him. And Sonny? You know how much his nut is?? Boca Rio isn't cheap!!!

While we're on the topic of allegedly phony statements; what the f--ck do you call the statements put out by the Federal Reserve? And how much is really in the Social Security system?? And what do you think will happen when China says "Uh, excuse please Mr. Obama, we'd like our money cashed out now?" The same f--king thing that happened to my firm and my investors!!! Is anybody getting this??? I DID NOTHING THAT THE US GOVERNMENT DOESN"T DO EVERY DAY!... Oy, Ira..explain to the judge that it'll only make me more crazy if he swallows this mishagos about the trinkets I sent to my loving kids!

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 06, 2009 (boomark / email).