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: Bernard Madoff

I Might Be Barred, But I'm Still Blogging!

I might be barred, but I can still blog!

For all of you asking, the people here are taking good care of me, and the library is actually not so bad--and my laptop connects just fine, but its true about the food. The omelets aren't that great, and the sausages are undercooked, but the bagels here are10x better than the stale crap that the ingrates down the street from us sold me every morning. That guy kvetching about my tips is a joke! Anybody will tell you that I'm a good tipper. Just ask the people at the Montauk Yacht Club!!

Speaking of tips, for all of you free loaders that are busy coming here every day and getting a great return, its about time that you left a tip! What? You think everything should be free??

Its not like we don't have expenses, and Picard exhausted the bonus pool when he paid out the traders in December. So, scroll to the right and do the right thing. Do I need Andy to slap some sense in to you??

First-
To Baby Ruth-
Chavkin is a good lawyer, trust me. Before this is over, he's going to introduce Ezra to that art dealer that he used to represent. I'm thinking that we might hire that guy to be the curator for the MIDAS Art Division. He's also got good connections. Just do what he says.

Next:

Since I'm not allowed to read so much in here, I don't have to waste my time with all of the crap that's being written. Other than maybe Janey Wells, every f--king reporter still keeps saying "...Bernie stole xxx amount, or yyy amount "disappeared." I didn't steal anything! I created wealth.

What? You think there was actually "$50 billion" invested in our firm?? Of course not. Ask Sonny Cohn! There was maybe closer to $15 billion. The rest was wealth that I created. Is it my fault that everyone became so dependent on me?? Did I "retire" when I was 55 so I could sit on my ass and collect free money? Of course not! Everyone kept insisting and insisting, so what was I supposed to do??

Did I think that the sh-t would hit the fan? No more than Hank Greenberg did at AIG when they wrote all of those insurance policies on those fukaked derivatives! Hey, they ran that place like a rinky dinky offshore auto insurance company! They wrote policies without even having the reserves to cover the losses!

I saw Barney Fife (I mean Frank) on TV last night in the lounge. All of his 'outrage' about those bonuses is stupid. If AIG doesn't keep those people around, how is anyone going to figure out what they did?? Which is exactly why Annette and Paul and Frankie D. have nothing to worry about.

Next:
To: Gary Ackerman
From: Bernie Madoff

You might not be the brightest bulb in the drawer, but Ira showed me a copy of the bill that you just presented to Congress. Schumer needs to get on board with this too.

By letting people claim refunds on taxes they paid against phantom profits going back to 1995, instead of just the past 3 years, this could be the real stimulus that will put the economy back on track. I'm thinking you might want to amend the bill so that it applies to all of the phony profits reported by the AIG's, and every other company that used helium to inflate their books.

Sure, it'll cost a trillion dollars or so in refunds, but that trillion can be used to put people back to work and get them spending again. Did you know that even Shana hasn't bought a pair of shoes in more than a month??!! Don't you realize that every $700 spent on a pair of shoes is contributing more than $650 to the economy??

Next: Speaking of spending and food. I just read that you can get a free dinner at Nino's 208, right down the street from us on 58th, and all you have to do to get the free meal is tell Nino that I referred you... I even put a link to his coupon at the bottom of this page. So scroll down and mangia!!

That's it for now. They don't give me that much time in the library, but Shana and the boys are going to update the blog in an hour or so. Don't forget to leave a tip!

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on March 17, 2009 (boomark / email).