Family Law

Celebrating a Child?s Birthday after Divorce

By Erin Kelley

Experts say that one of a child’s biggest fears is the fear of change, and with divorce there are plenty of disruptions. Parents must take extra steps to reassure children and make them feel secure while their world suddenly changes.

Everyone can remember the excitement they felt as their birthday came near. As children, there wasn’t a better day of the year, aside from Christmas, which is why parents should discuss how the child’s birthday will be celebrated each year and attempt to decide on a plan that is most comfortable and normal for the child. Conflict and competition between parents should be avoided when planning and celebrating.

A Joint Celebration

If the parents are still friends after the divorce, it may be beneficial to the child for both parents to take part in the celebration. However, parents should be careful not to give the child false hope of a reconciliation.

Holding the birthday party at a restaurant or other neutral place is a good idea if both parents plan to attend. Parents should be polite and respectful of each other at the party and work together to make the day special.

Splitting Time on the Child?s Birthday

In situations where it’s not possible for both parents to attend one birthday party, they may decide to split the day so that they each spend time with the child on their birthday. The non-custodial parent may take the child on a day trip, while the custodial parent prepares for a party in the evening. This way the child has a fun day and gets quality time with each parent and without fighting.

Celebrating During Regular Visitation

When parents don’t live in close proximity to one another, it may not be possible to share the child’s actual birthday. In these situations, the non-custodial parent should be sure to send a gift that arrives in time for the child’s birthday and call the child to let them know their day is remembered. The non-custodial parent can also plan to have a birthday celebration for the child during a regular visit close to the time of the child’s birthday.

Alternating Years

Some parents may incorporate an arrangement into their parenting plan to have the child on their birthday on alternate years. A year is a long time in a child’s life and this type of birthday time-sharing may be a disappointment for the child. If you choose to make arrangements like this, make sure to celebrate the birthday in a special way when it’s not your year.

Full post as published by The Divorce Blog on March 18, 2009 (boomark / email).