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#Madoff Resolutions for 2011

To: Maurice
From: Bernie
Re: Bongiorno

Counselor:
Nan tells me that you've advised her to consider singing.

I've heard that you're a great lawyer, maybe even one of the best, but I'm not sure this particular idea makes sense.

Sure, Nan almost looks like a singer, and Ruth always said that she did a mean karaoke at our annual clam bakes. But, unless you can parlay this into a gig for her on American Idol, I'm thinking that the Hail Mary strategy will work; just ask Danny's lawyer.

Seizing assets that have been set aside to pay lawyers to defend you is unconstitutional. Its that simple. These prosecutors are grasping at straws. Why do you think they keep relying on Picard's people for insight?

What? You don't think I haven't researched this?
BLM

Next...
To: L. Blankfein
From: B. Madoff

First, let me say Happy New Year. We may not have always seen eye to eye, but  I appreciate your reaching out to me as part of your new year's resolutions.

Second, now that all of our positions are back in the money, I'm thinking that you might also be right about a private round for the blog. If Facebook is worth $50bil, then you and your Russian friends are pretty close in thinking this blog has a $3bil valuation. Pre-money of course. Sonja K. still has plenty of friends with deep pockets over there, and they're looking to get back into the game, so you'll need to carve out a few units for them.

Christ, we've got one of the best demographics in the f**king world coming to this site; all of the big shot hedge funds, PE bankers, thousands of family offices, and we can't even keep up with counting the number of lawyers and accountants that tune in every day!

And, you're also right about the fact that most people come three, if not four times a day just to see what's new. Jodi tells me that each of them is re-tweeting to another 5000 people all of the time. Talk about brand value and social networks! What name is more famous than Madoff?! Maybe "Obama", and maybe "Coke", but after that, we're the most famous brand in the f**king world!

[BTW-Andy used his black umbrella to find out that Assange doesn't have anything on you, but that kid Jamie is going to wish he had sent us a few more toaster ovens when he could have! When we put out the word that those files are going to be exclusively published right here, you can only imagine the sh*t storm of advertisers that will be banging the door down. And, for an encore we might follow up with leaking the files that Irv P. thinks he's got locked up safely.]

RE: the 499 investor rule; its simple to work around, as Mary has already told you. As far as trading units in the secondary market, you really should speak to Pete. Our software was always better than everyone else's. Even though Picard gave it away for pennies to a group that didn't even know what to do with it, we still kept a few copies of the source code.

I've got a bunch of meetings today and tomorrow, but I'm happy to do lunch with you on Thursday. Just contact the main office here to schedule.

Bernie

 

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 04, 2011 (boomark / email).