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Calling All Clawyers:#Madoff Mania

From: I.Picard, Esq.
To: Bob Carlson, Stella's Fish Cafe

As much as I'm enjoying my celebrity status, and however much I appreciated your sending my office that crate of fresh lobsters, your using my likeness to promote your restaurant is troubling.  In fact, if you don't cease and desist, we'll have to file a lawsuit against your company.

We're taking the clawback campaign very seriously, and even if it doesn't include any actions against JPM for their withdrawing that $250 million before the clams were baked, we can't have your establishment exploiting all of the media attention about the clawback suits!

I. Picard

For all those others that think we "can't get blood from a stone"; think again. This device (see photo to the left), is something that we found under the empty donut boxes the Feds left behind at Bernie's office, and after testing it, we determined that it actually works!

Yes, we know that many of you Madoff family members and friends are whining that you've already spent the ill-gotten gains, or that you'd like to think you're judgment proof; that's not relevant to my staff.

And, don't think you're being singled out just because of your family ties, or because of the compensation that you took home over the time you worked for Bernie. We've got lots more fish to fry in the days immediately ahead, once we get that re-supply of printer cartridges!

Contrary to the misconception that we're earning a % of what we recover, we're only compensated by the hours that we bill. The cost of every one of the suits filed (excluding the above suit in the photo), is billed out at approximately $10,000. The 40+ suits that we filed last week will therefore add $400k to our billed hours for the month of November, a mere pittance when considering the amount of money that the defendants' lawyers will be charging in the course of reviewing and replying to our action.

Sure, we're going up against some of the best defense lawyers in the world. That's fine with us! We've got plenty of time, and time is money!!

I.Picard
Bankruptcy Trustee

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on November 28, 2010 (boomark / email).