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It's the strange people I love

By kellyfair

First, let me just say that I think being prejudiced is just retarded. Now, with that out of the way, your average whitie sucks. I say this as a southern white chick born in a trailer. But really. When you need someone to help you out with something practical, the clean cut white lady or guy will normally ignore you. They will give to charity but fuck that up close and personal attention. This summer I threw my back out really badly and couldn't stand up straight for like two weeks. I'll never forget dropping something in line at the store and how this stupid white guy just stood there while I struggled and finally the black guy behind him reached around and picked it up. I think the white guy was too stupid to even be embarrassed. I don't think he thought he was going to catch something picking up my goat cheese. I mean, it was still wrapped. I think his head was so far up his ass it didn't even occur to him to bend his idiot self over and help someone or that he looked like a total asshole when the guy behind him in line stepped up to do it. Now that's just lame.

Today I was zooming (OK, you really can't zoom in a '75 Datsun but I like the image) down a country road between court and class and my accellerator cable broke. So, obviously, there was no more zooming of any sort, even pretend. I became concerned when I realized I'd forgotten my phone and didn't have the first wrench on me. So I tried to get things loose with a set of pliers for a while as one after another nice shiny SUV (I mean, what's the point? Especially when you go over speed bumps slower than a wheelchair. Gas sucking vain fathead.) just rolled on by. So who stops? A scruffy, bearded, leathered out biker guy, who let me use his phone and was really nice. This is the kind of guy the shiny SUV whities are afraid of. Strange, right? Then rolls up this really nice black guy with some tools in his truck and we started getting my jury rigged throttle setup loose when the tow truck came. So he's this big muscular black guy that the little shiny SUV whities are afraid of but he stopped to help. And speaking of fear, I'm this little white chick in a suit. I didn't scare the shiny SUV whities. No, they just sucked. Do I just suck? Well, I don't always stop for people on the side of the road but sometimes I do. The determinative question is: can I take this person if I have to? If I think I can kick their ass if they try anything, I'll stop. I am 5'1 though and that doesn't cover a lot of people but folks, I did not look like a threat to anyone. Except to your smelly little right wing perspective which I think belongs in a woodchipper.

Moving on, let's be honest. The law favors the shiny SUV whities. They just get off easier. Buffy does not go go prison. Jamiqu'anel'la goes to prison. But when I am on the side of the road, Buffy might as well be in prison. The dude with the trafficking charge and Hakeem are who will be there.

So, more and more I think I want to be a defense lawyer. These are my people. And someday, we will rise up with our scruffy beards and bald tires and say, "Screw you, Buffy, Muffy and Ted! Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not bribe $200. May you learn to be useful."

Full post as published by caligulawyer on November 05, 2007 (boomark / email).