Legal Writing

Starting Strong & Lasting Long

Ask any good writing instructor what’s important, and you’re likely to hear about introductions, and how critical they are to attracting readers. That applies to blog posts published by law firms seeking clients.

Consider the intro to this blog post:

Insurance Coverage for Food Contamination Recall

by Karen Kimmey

Recalls of food believed to be contaminated can be massively expensive for the companies required to implement them, and the availability of insurance coverage for such expenses is often disputed.

One recent complaint to raise this issue is . . . .

The blog post goes on to explain a recent ruling.

______
A skilled and experienced editor has two issues with this intro. Well, three issues:

1. The headline lacks a verb.
2. The author uses far too many words.
3. The beginning of the second paragraph throws readers a curve.

A headline has a purpose, and it needs a subject AND a verb to achieve that purpose, else it sounds like an entry in an encyclopedia, not a blog post.

The first line starts the discussion, and it reveals the writer’s style.

What the first line of this blog post tells readers is that reading this piece is going to take a good bit longer than necessary.

In other words, the author is going to waste some of the readers’ time.

Also, that first line suggests the post might be about the availability of insurance coverage, but the post doesn’t discuss that at all.

The beginning of the second graph refers to this issue, but that’s not defined. Is it food contamination? The expense of recalls? The availability of coverage, or disputes about availability? What issue is this post about, and how long will it take readers to find out?

______
Here’s the intro after it’s been touched by a skilled and experienced editor:

Insurance Coverage for Recall of Contaminated Food Disputed

by Karen Kimmey

When the FDA orders a recall of food products, it can be very expensive for the companies involved, and disputes about insurance coverage can arise.

Consider the complaint recently filed . . . .

That’s better.

It uses fewer words, so it takes readers less time.

It says the topic of the post is disputes about insurance coverage, so those interested in that sort of thing are more likely to continue reading (especially if they’re busy people) .

And it makes the attorney seem like a more skilled and thoughtful writer, which can only be to her advantage.

Is that not right?

______
Oh! One more thing. People searching for information regarding disputes about insurance coverage are more likely to discover the edited version.

Full post as published by Set in Style on July 29, 2010 (boomark / email).