Legal Writing

Trimming Bloated Copy ? Lawyers with Not Much to Do

Many attorneys think formal (old fashioned, fluffy, and bloated) copy is more impressive than less formal copy.

Well they’re wrong, and they’ve been wrong for some time.

Consider this introduction to a firm’s recruiting materials:

For more than 55 years, Acme Legal, LLP has successfully recruited some of the best and brightest legal minds to anticipate and serve the varied, changing needs of the business community. Today, our firm boasts a deep roster of more than 150 lawyers with extensive collective legal experience, expertise and specialized knowledge in a wide variety of business sectors.

successfully recruited? the best and the brightest? to anticipate and serve? boasts a deep roster? extensive collective experience? expertise and specialized knowledge?

This phalanx of phrases gives the impression that the firm isn’t just overly formal, it has some very serious communications problems. Either that, or the copy was written by the firm’s attorneys (which suggests 1) the firm doesn’t have much work to do, or 2) the firm can’t afford a copywriter).

What would a skilled and experienced editor do with that intro?

He’d scrap it.

A rewrite is what’s needed.

But, short of that, it would certainly be trimmed, perhaps like so:

For more than 55 years, Acme Legal, LLP has recruited some of the best lawyers to serve the varied and changing needs of the business community. Our firm has more than 150 lawyers, and considerable legal experience in a wide variety of business sectors.

With few exceptions, attorneys serve themselves (and their firms) best when they don’t pretend they’re copywriters or artists.

Full post as published by Set in Style on May 14, 2010 (boomark / email).