Legal Writing

More More Less is More — Example #3

This post is one in a series on cutting verbiage in
everything from briefs to proposals.

In our last episode, we cut one sentence of a legal memo in half.

In the episode before that, we cut one sentence of a proposal for legal services in half.

Why?

Because (1) we?re trying to persuade, either directly (the proposal) or indirectly (the memo), and (2) our audience is very busy.

Now let?s cut something else. This time, let?s cut one paragraph of a Complaint.

Don?t ask why.

Here?s the paragraph:

In 1971, Burns established F&M Newstand at its present location. At that time, the location was within an unincorporated portion of Rowan County, North Carolina. From its establishment, F&M Newstand sold adult-oriented books and magazines. Since that time, F&M Newstand has added to its inventory adult-oriented videos for sale, rental, and for on-site viewing.

And here it is after the cut:

In 1971, Burns established F & M Newstand at its present location in an unincorporated portion of Rowan County, North Carolina.

Since then, F & M Newstand has sold adult-oriented books and magazines, and has rented, sold, and featured adult-oriented videos.

That?s a 25% reduction in the amount of copy, and a better than 30% reduction in the amount of time it takes to read the copy.

So far as readers (e.g., judges, their clerks, and other lawyers) are concerned, when it comes to verbiage, less isn’t more: it’s much better.

And if you don’t believe me, ask them.

______
Of course, this time, we didn’t just cut; we revised.

Now, editors aren’t always asked to do that, but when they are (please pardon this commercial interruption), they can make their clients look fabulous.

And seeing is believing.

Full post as published by Set in Style on April 28, 2010 (boomark / email).