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If Only I Had Seen This Coming

Apparently my friends have the incredible ability to predict the future. Once they all hear of the current Trivia Boy drama the only response I'm going to get is "I told you so," because they all predicted this would happen. I don't know how I didn't see it, but man I wish I would have listened to what they were saying over the summer, maybe it would have made things a little less complicated right now.

Over the weekend Trivia Boy and I went out with a couple of other friends downtown. By the time 9pm rolled around other friends headed out to meet a different group of people at a different bar and Trivia Boy and I headed to a little hole in the wall dive bar that has great drink specials to finish out the evening. Somehow 9pm turned into 1am and one drink turned into one too many. While we were waiting for the train at the downtown station out of nowhere Trivia Boy brings up the subject of the drunken night last July. He prefaces everything by saying that he's drunk but that he thinks about that night quite often and that he's thought a lot about the idea of us being more than friends but that he keeps thinking that it would be awesome in the short term and wouldn't work out in the long term. I was taken aback by all of this, cause I had no idea that he even remembered that night, much less thinks about it. I pressed him on the subject of the short term vs. long term stuff and he didn't really have a good answer. From what I gathered he thinks the long term wouldn't work because he's likely leaving the state by the Spring for an out of state job and he doesn't want long distance. I totally agree about the moving complicating things and I can't do long distance either, but I also think it's a little premature at this point to be worrying about it because we haven't even determined if we want to try the whole dating thing. The entire ride on the train home we discussed the issue. Somehow after that train ride we ended up at my apartment and from there more bad decisions ensued. There's no denying the fact that all of the sudden there's chemistry, I have no idea where it came from, granted our friends always thought there was something there, but this is definitely a new development with the two of us collectively finally seeing it and acknowledging it.

This time once the alcohol blinders were lifted the morning after was even more confusing than the one from the summer. Further complicating the entire situation is the fact that Trivia Boy currently has another girl who he has already asked out on a first date for later this week (she's someone he met while he was out a few weeks ago- I've never met her). I spent most of the following day fretting over the current situation we have found ourselves in. When we finally talked about it on the phone it became abundantly clear that Trivia Boy wants to just see how everything plays out and didn't want to "define things" right now. He also made it clear that he's going to go out on his date later this week because he doesn't think it's appropriate to bail out on it, which I totally respect.

I get the feeling that the major hang up for Trivia Boy is the possibility that he might be leaving in a few months and he doesn't want either of us to get hurt. As for me, I have no idea what I want anymore. I have always been of the opinion that you shouldn't not do something in the present because of a fear about a future that may or may not actually happen. But the fact that he is such a good friend does make it hard for me to figure out what I want because there's more at stake here than there is in a normal "do I want to date this person?" situation.

All in all I have no idea what's going to happen, what I want to happen, or how I'm going to feel about whatever outcome happens. I just hope that eventually my dating life manages to calm down because between all of this drama and trying to get my feet under me at work I'm quickly becoming exhausted.

Full post as published by [ Useless Dicta ] on December 07, 2009 (boomark / email).