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Bharara on Bernie

To: The Hon. Chuck Schumer
From: Preet Bharara

Chuck-

Were it not for you, I certainly would not have been appointed to the lofty job of US Attorney for the Southern District; so, as they say in the hand sanitizer business, one hand washes the other, obliging me to give you an update on matters that you have expressed interest in.

1. Although you might have spoken to, and perhaps been in the company of Bernie and/or his associates on at least several occasions , we haven't found any document trail that might cause you to be concerned. Not yet anyway.

2. I don't know why John Mack called you; and I couldn't say whether his decision to give up the CEO title is related to Art Samberg's situation. Chris Dodd's office has been calling as well. Mary Shapiro might have more insight on that.

3. Yes, we've spoken to Jeff Tucker, but it would be inappropriate to discuss the status of any criminal charges that our office might be considering with respect to FFG. When President Obama decides on who will be appointed US Attorney in CT, its possible that FFG would come under their jurisdiction. All very messy stuff.

4. As to any other criminal charges that might involve any of your constituents or campaign contributors, you might want to create a reserve fund that would be needed to return certain monies. The "don't ask, don't tell" mantra might be a good defense for private sector, but my personal opinion is that it can prove to be a slippery slope for those that have been elected, or appointed to public office.

5. Regrettably, the Patriot Act does not allow us to maintain a wire-tap on Ms. Arvedlund's phone. As much as you believe that she is continuously obtaining information that might be of interest to certain constituents, my hands on this matter are relatively tied. Again, thanks for the Soapopular!, this makes my hands feel clean and soft!

6. We don't speak to Irv Picard's office with any regularity, as such I can't address the issue as to why Mr. Wilpon, or any of the other claimants have received no news of SIPC payments that may be pending. My understanding is that no payments have been made to claimants since this past June simply because Steve Harbecht decided to extend his summer vacation. I don't know for sure, but I heard that he will be returning after Yom Kippur. Or perhaps next Tisha B'Av.

Last, in the course of our investigations into the Madoff matter, we were able uncover a wonderful noodle pudding recipe from Mrs. Madoff's secret cabinet, and just in time for the Jewish New Year. I can't say whether this was another item that was procured with illicit funds, or if it is actually proprietary.

But, in the interest of all, we think it should be publicized and perhaps your lovely wife will find this useful:

1 pkg. wide egg noodles (cooked)

1/2 lb margarine (melted)
16 oz. cottage cheese
8 0z. sour cream
1/3 cup sugar
salt
[Mix above together]

4 eggs-beat
1 1/2 cup of milk
1 tsp vanilla
dash of cinnamon
[mix and pour over noodles and above mixture]

Pour into greased baking dish. Sprinkle crushed cereal over top. Bake @ 350-375 for 1 hr.

L'shana Tovah, my friend!

Preet

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on September 17, 2009 (boomark / email).