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T Minus 60 hours

The results of Useless State Barzam will be posted sometime around 9:00am on Thursday. That's a little more or less than 60 hours from now. I haven't slept well for the past 3 nights, and every time I think about Thursday morning I get a little naseous. I know there's nothing I can do at this point. The exam was done and over the minute I put my pencil down for the final time back on that last Wednesday in July. Up until now I really haven't worried all that much about it. In fact, the barzam seems like a distant nightmare, I really don't remember all that much of it at all. Even though I know I can't change the outcome at this point and it seems silly to stress about things I can't control, my nerves are working some serious overtime this week.

Complicating matters is the job situation. I didn't really know what to think about the interview last week when I walked out of it. It didn't feel as bad as the quasi interview I had back in April. But it also didn't feel spectacular. However, I've heard through the grapevine of some higher-ups that I had a good interview last week. Several people have also made comments that the interview last week was just a formality and I have nothing to worry about. As much as I apperciate hearing good things from the attorneys and others that I work with, it makes me nervous at the same time. It's a lot of pressure to live up to. On the one hand, if I don't pass the barzam I could be faced with wondering whether or not a job that may have been mine by the end of this week will still be there come May. On the other hand, if I do pass the barzam but don't end up getting the job then I'm going to have to start back at square one and spend who knows how long trying to find a permanent job. I know that I should be hoping for the optimistic third scenario, the one which involves me passing the barzam and getting the job. Call me a pessimist, but the third scenario just sounds like something that would be too good to be true.

I will be so glad when this week is over. I think the absolute worst part of all of this is the not knowing part. I wish I could just fast forward through the next 2 days and find out the results, no matter what they might be, so that I can figure out what comes next. (and so I can stop boring all you fantastic blog readers with my mundane worrying/griping/stressing about the bar, the results and jobs).

Full post as published by [ Useless Dicta ] on October 06, 2009 (boomark / email).