Law Humor

By Judge Jerry Buchmeyer

From Jaki Jones of Houston (Jaki is the secretary of Philip S. Gordon of Gustafon & Venzke), these excerpts from the deposition of Mrs. Jimmie Johnson - the plaintiff's best friend, who saw her (Mrs. McCoy) being assaulted in a grocery store parking lot in Houston. Jaki explains that while plaintiff's deposition was being taken (in her home), Mrs. Johnson was in the next room "chatting with the deponent and the attorneys about where to find the cheapest chicken in town." Then, after the other defense attorney had questioned Mrs. Johnson in her deposition, Phil Gordon just could not resist:

Q. [Mrs. Johnson,] I represent the other defendants in this case and I have a few questions for you, okay?

A. Okay.

Q. If you'll bear with me. One of the questions I've been dying to ask you because I've been told you're an expert, is where can I find - well, where is the best place to buy chicken breast this week?

A. The best place to buy chicken breast this week? Give me my purse.

Q. No. No. I'm teasing. Do you really have that list? We were told about your list.

A. Uh-huh. I bet you if it's on sale, I got it.

Q. You know? Okay. That's amazing.

A. It's ninety-nine cents a pound somewhere.

Q. Well, Mrs. McCoy was telling us about that earlier and I thought she was exaggerating when she said you had - you went for that list, didn't you, when I asked you that?

A. I go to college on the sale papers. With all the sale papers, I get int he middle of my bed, I write down. My first is McBrides, Sellers, Kroger's and Milliton's is over on Clinton; and I write that down and then I compare.

Q. No kidding?

A. And the other day Fiesta had chickens on sale for 19 cents.

Q. Well -

A. [Mrs. Johnson, like most experts, continues at Great Length, with "the best prices" for coffee, eggs, potatoes, etc.]

Plaintiff's Attorney: You asked. You did it.

Mr. Gordon: I just asked about the chicken breast, but I got it.

Plaintiff's Attorney: (correctly): You can't object as nonresponsive.

Mr. Gordon: I'm not. I'm loving this. This is great. We just pay for another page for it. I want to hear about this afterwards. She's working by the page.

Full post as published by Say What! on November 06, 2009 (boomark / email).