Legal Research

For Some of You and Some of Your Clients - "Your First Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzza Since Divorce? Ugh."

Posted by Brian Galbraith: "Are you dreading Christmas? Will it be your first special holiday since your separation?  Are you depressed about not having your children for New Year's Eve, or Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or some other special day. Whatever the holiday, you are not alone.

I remember the first Christmas that my three boys were with their mother Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I cried and felt depressed most of the day. The time seemed to creep by so slowly. I felt all alone and like a failure.

I should have taken my 6 year old son's advice.

A few days before Christmas, he knew he would spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with his Mom because that's what we agreed. So, he asked me to write a letter to Santa and ask him to come to my house on December 26th instead of the 25th. My son said that Santa comes to Steve's house (Steve is my friend who is divorced with kids too) on the 26th so he was sure he wouldn't mind coming to our house then too!

Of course, Santa did come on December 26th, even without a letter, but I think the message my son unwittingly was giving me was that it does not matter when we celebrate Christmas...lets just make whatever day we have together full of love, gratitude, Santa and fun. He knew Santa (and joy) would arrive whenever we wanted them to arrive. We just had to schedule it.

To help make your holidays special, here are ten things you can do:

1. Ensure your schedule is specific...
2. Don't fight over which days you have your children...
3. Do something special for yourself...
4. Support your children...
5. Create new traditions...
6. Get outside...
7. Give of your heart...
8. Stay sober...
9. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people...
10. Relax...

There are several wonderful blogs about surviving the holiday season after divorce. I recommend Richard Sharp's blog, Anne Shales blog, Nancy Van Tine's blog and Rosalind Sedacca's blog.  All have excellent advice for parents who are going through a divorce at this time of the year.

Now, my youngest son is 12 years old and he says the best thing about Mom and Dad having separated is that he enjoys "two Christmases, two Easters and two Thanksgivings!" He says "if you like that kind of food, it's great!" Let me assure you... he certainly does like "that kind of food!"

So make it a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa or whatever special holiday you are celebrating this year. Joy will come whenever you schedule its arrival. It is up to you."

Full text and active links are available at the source site listed below.

Source: Ontario Family Law Blog, 1 December 2009 [Hat tip to Colin O'Keefe at Real Lawyers Have Blogs!]

Full post as published by Stark County Law Library Blawg on December 03, 2009 (boomark / email).