Law Humor

By Judge Jerry Buchmeyer

From Douglas M. Barlow of Beaumont, these excerpts from the voir dire examination in a capital murder case, of a potential juror who seemed "to be an expert on death."

Q. Have you ever been arrested for anything else, Mr. Clay?

A. Well, I had a hotel and this guy came in the hotel and cleaned the hotel, stole everything in the hotel; and we went [and] sold it to someone. And this is the point: I was in jail already when they did sold it.

Q. For what?

A. I don't recall. Because I used to help, you know, help the police department out.

Q. Undercover work?

A. Yeah, a little bit something like that. Kind of dangerous, you know. I like that, you know - I got killed one time.

Q. You did?

A. Uh-huh. In New Orleans. Some people killed me and what happened, they got a implant inside of me, inside of my temple; and what that implant is is the one thing that keep me alive. And I'm worth about $4 billion to the United States as long as I can stay alive with that thing inside of me ...

Q. Okay. How did you get killed?

A. I was in New Orleans and I was on the street and I was moving, you know, just going around and a bunch of people, about five of them, killed me, you know.

Q. How did they kill you, shoot you?

A. Beat the heck out of me and tore my head off. Got another face on me. They fix it back up, you know.

Q. How long were you dead?

A. You can find out from the hospital how long I was dead.

Q. But you don't know?

A. No, I don't know. I was dead.

Q. I understand. So, you've been in jail twice?

A. Quite a few times but not for - not for doing nothing wrong. Defending myself.

Full post as published by Say What! on September 18, 2009 (boomark / email).