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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Happy Mother's Day From The Madoff's

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From: Shana Madoff

On behalf of the entire Madoff family, I've been asked to extend a personal greeting to all of you Mothers that are following our saga.

These are difficult times for us all, and thank God that Mr. Picard has finally figured out how hard it is on many of us, and allowing some of us to submit hardship claims to his office so that our checks can be rushed out to us.

But, however difficult it us for us, and perhaps to a lesser extent, the Noels, the Manzke's the Chais's, Ezra and his family, Sonny Cohn and Sonny Delaire and their families, every mother deserves something special this weekend.

Even though I'm not drawing the million dollar a year salary that I was up until a few months, and even though the place I bought in East Hampton last summer has lost 25% of its value on paper, I'm still getting my Mom a case of that Caoni Chocolate!!! Scroll to the right and order some!!

(Yes, the Girl Scouts were very nice when they offered to let me buy cases of cookies for Marion at a discount, but those cookies are terribly unhealthy and terribly fattening, so we're sticking with the chocolate this year...Well..for Mom anyway; my daughter certainly isn't allowed to eat sweets if she wants to be as skinny as me!

Dad-
While I'm at it, how dare those vultures go through our Amex bills and put it in the PAPERS?? Even Starkman says its time that we start speaking out to defend ourselves!

We are -(or at least we were), working people, and of course we charged things to the Business.That's how businesses keep track of costs. I know, I'm in Compliance!! Oh, well, I'm not REALLY in compliance, it was just a title, right, Daddy?? You'll keep saying that, won't you?

Was I supposed to eat FRIED Falafel off a filthy street stand for lunch? Uncle Bernie would have plotzed if any one of us ate from the street vendors. He wouldn't have touched us for days. ( Well, there's the upside). I'm surprised he didn't make us walk through Soapopular Showers when we got back from lunch.

So, of course I went to a health food restaurant. Where else would I go to maintain the size two I used to be? ( Yes, I'm still a Zero, but, ironically, I'm not shopping as much, now that the Black Card was stopped, so my clothes are sort of hanging.)

Reporters don't make much money, do they? So I guess they don't understand that when you use AmEx, you pay NO INTEREST if you pay the bill right away - which of course Aunt Ruthie always did. Or was that Nan?. So, from a compliance standpoint, we actually saved a lot of the investor's money.

I have a right to eat wherever I please. The boys had a right to have transportation to their houses. I mean, other than private jet, how else do you get to Nantucket or The Hamptons? Sit in traffic on those teensy roads?? God - who does that??

But, Oh, Daddy, I didn't know Mommy had a salary? What for? She didn't do a fucking thing as far as I ever saw, but I guess it was part of Uncle B's generosity to YOU, my Daddy, who really worked so hard, and knew so little about what was going on and was stiffed by your big shot brother when he only gave you 1 point.

And the nerve of him to ask for the loans to be repaid! What's he going to do with that $5 million in jail? Spend it on crackers??

So Daddy, Darling, if you ever take a night off from going through Eliot Spit-up's entire little Black Book, call me. We'll eat healthy, and talk about old times - family times. No Business.

But HOW WILL WE PAY THE CHECK? Bring a wad of Cash, OK? and a little extra for moi would be much appreciated!

I'm crying again.. I'll call Dr Horowitz..

Shana. stop - control- stop- control. BREATHE-

Take a clonapin AND a xanax - that usually works for an hour or so, then I have my Yoga teacher coming.

Ok - better..now.. calming, deep breaths......in through the nose, out the mouth...

Dad, call my cell or text me.

Tranquillized love and kisses from,

Your ONLY baby, Shana!! ( Mother of your Only Grandchild)

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on May 09, 2009 (boomark / email).

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