Law Humor

Weekened With (out) Bernie

To: Andy
From: Your Father

I might have missed something, but Ira told me that your brother told him that Starkman made it clear to everyone that you kids need to keep a low profile, and I thought it was understood that the b-slapping bullshit would come to an end!

Here I am, turning down people that are demanding a piece of Soapopular's stock, and I hear that you're galavanting around the East Side at fancy restaurants and getting into a slapping contest with that kid Abend. Listen, you might want to come across like a tough guy to make that little Hooper girl do..well whatever she's doing---but you're going to get your head handed to you.

As your father, I'm telling you that if you don't watch yourself, you'll be seeing more fish like the one in your famous photo!

And enough with the whining to everyone about what you "lost.".That's bad PR--and people don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. I thought I taught you that! So stop with the kvetching.

Sure, the value of your co-op dropped from $5 mil to $4 mil. Maybe $3.5. Same thing is happening all over New York ...

Everyone's getting marked down. Our place in town--I mean your Mother's place- dropped from $8.5 mil to maybe $6. The place she owns in Montauk..the one she bought with the money your grandfather gave her...Maybe down $1.5 mil or so from last year. Shana's place in East Hampton?..Down at least $1.75 mil from what she paid last summer. You know what your Uncle's place down in Palm Beach would sell for if he had to sell it tomorrow? My guess is not more than $7 million!

What about Mark's places? The one in the city? Maybe it could get $4 mil. The place in Greenwich? Nobody's even buying up there--except those guys at Stone Point. The place in Nantucket? I didn't tell him to spend $7mil.. I thought it was worth $5 when he bought it. He's going to have kick the renter out of the smaller place--the $2mil "cottage" and and move in there if he's not watching his spending better!

Yes--I heard about your "Uncle Stanley." Good guy, but a schmuck that loved bringing attention to himself. That's LA for you. Sure, now he's back in New York because he's afraid he's going to wind up with a fish in his bed.

But, he was always very charitable--something that I pointed out months ago, right here on this blog! Some people think its very important to be charitable--you should learn from that. And look at all of the charities that made millions with me. MILLIONS!!! And now they're kvetching?? Unbelievable!

Sure, Stan made close to a billion bucks over the years. But he wasn't catching pikers--he was catching whales!!! So what about the way we booked the deals? He earned it, however we accounted for it!

Just like Ezra, Walter, Dopamine, Sonja and the Sonny's...and a few others.

But they all did the same stupid things...They had to be big shots, they all wanted to show off.

Did Frankie D. do that? No. He kept a low profile. Sure, Nan and the f--king Bentley. Not my idea! Did I ever have a car like that?? Of course not...

Bring attention to yourself and your guaranteed to get a kick in the head. Trust me. Ask that idiot Allen Stanford. But then again--you were smart enough to figure out something was flaky about him. Too f--king bad you weren't smart enough to figure it out sooner!

And Mikey Beans??..I told you back in January, Bienes was always just another one that loved being in front the camera. Him and Frankie Avellino. What a pair! It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about how much money those guys produced.

Now go and behave yourself for a change! BTW...Don't forget to get your Mother those Caoni Chocolates for Mother's Day!!!.. Get a few cases, your little trampy girlfriend will like them too..I hear they're using the same chocolate at the Four Seasons ...That'll impress her.

Yes...I saw this clip. Beans always talked too much. Schmuck!! Are you taking notes, kid??

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on May 02, 2009 (boomark / email).