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Bernie's Belated Birthday

Sure..everyone came to my blog yesterday to wish me a happy birthday and was hoping to hear the day's latest update.

So, for the muckrakers that didn't have their daily dose of tips so they can have something to write about, what can I say?

How about FU?

1. So, for my birthday, the new little shvartza here, Abby the Pirate, baked me a cake. See the photo. Who would have thought he'd have the juice to get this all together so fast?

2. Ruth, darling. The hell with Il Molino. Too rich for me, and too overpriced. Better for Walter and his girls. Or for Ezra. Or for the boys. So don't be upset that we didn't go out for my birthday.

3. Art Nadel managed to get a note into me--so I'm thinking the bridge game is going to get more interesting.

4. Sure, we've eaten at P.F Chang...but why the f--k would I know about some kid named Danny Pang?? What? Someone thinks that I taught a special class? Ask Konigsberg; he'll tell you!!

5. Swine flu. Half of MCC is locked down here because they think Abby Muse is a black Mexican..but I've tried to help and explain that he's from f--king Somalia. All I know is that Midas Madoff is the one that introduced alcohol-free hand sanitizer to the government..and in the last two days three different governmentg agencies have bought their product. In SIZE. God forbid the CDC should stop with promoting alcohol hand sanitizers. Morons.

6. So to you people at "DOJ"..instead of looking for bytes on this blog about where I've buried some money...and then trying to figure out why I like promoting hand sanitizer, take an asprin, wash your hands, and just buy the stuff. Stop trying to think..You're no good at it, and it gives your people a headache! Trust me. I know all about it.

7.Markee--tell your landscaper to stop with his cell phone camera and pictures of the place in Nantucket. I've got them, and everyone wants them. So they're safe. Trust me. I'm your father!

8. Last: to Jamie Dimon
Jamie--read the writing on Ken Lewis's wall. We've talked about this. I've made millions for idiots, just ask Walter or the Sonja's or the Sonnyh's or the Frank's and even Dopamine. I can make tens of millions for you. Call me. I'm not getting any younger.

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on April 29, 2009 (boomark / email).