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: Red Shoe Ramblings

Conquering

By NoReinsGirl

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What an insane, restful, relaxing, busy week.

Bouncing back from finals that took so much from me mentally and physically to encounter grief. Grief that was thrust, immediate, and violent.

It was an odd paradox to encounter so much stress in such a short span of time and it got me thinking about how much of life is not about ourselves. Mike's son, Joe, gave the eulogy at the end of the service and the biggest thing I take with me from Mike is this...

Live and Love.

Live intentionally and Love intentionally. Do not hesistate to do either since you just don't know what the next moment holds.

This year its about conquering fears for me. I've seriously walked to the edge of the cliff and jumped. Can't take any baggage since you'll drop like a stone so you drop all the baggage that brought you to the cliff edge and cannonball.

Scariest. Thing. Ever.

Most. Fun. Ever.

Rollercoaster (bigger than Space Mountain variety). Decided about a month ago to find a scary rollercoaster and ride it. Haven't done it yet and will. 2009 continues to be about conquering fears. This is one of them since I've not been on one since 1989 after a near-fatal wreck.

Law School...embarked and underway. Yes, conquering that fear. When the thought of "what the he** am I doing here?!" and "who the he** am I kidding?!" crosses your mind in LS it is part of the process. EVERYONE who goes has thought this...good, I'm normal...sort of.

Eskimo Rolls. Kayaking is a love of mine and has been since 2001. I've only done flatwater, open cockpit, very mellow stuff. It's presented to me to ocean kayak or lake kayak (big bodies of water) one must know this technique. Oh sh**. I am terrified of being upside in the water (as in drowning is my greatest fear, next to being eaten by sharks...car wrecks, been there - done that - give tours). So out of my mouth after saying this is "so teach me to eskimo roll." In addition to learning from this individual, I'm gonna take some classes on Eskimo Rolls. (This is where I admit that truthfully I don't want to look stupid in front of them when I nearly drown myself and try to flail my way back upright while maintaining some form of dignity that will evaporate the instant I go upside down. Yes, I embarass easily.) Why am I willing to conquer this fear? One, its a terrifying force against me when I kayak and I don't want it to have that stranglehold on me any longer. Two, I'd like to enjoy the open water with this individual and see things that I've not been privy to because of my fear. Three, I'd like to show off my newfound skill when this individual and I get out on the water.

Trusting. Big one for me. Let go and trust those closest because it really is okay to live by the "until proven otherwise" creed. I'm working on it. No sappyness on this one. Just cut and dried.

This last year, much less the last week, has seen me through some massive changes. I took my finals on the year anniversary of deciding to do law school...no coincidence at all. That was the first of many changes. This week just drove home how important it is to live intentionally and, for me, that's about not being afraid to conquer some fears.

Time to really unwind while on break, learn some eskimo rolls, ride a few coasters, and trust those closest.

On it.

Full post as published by Red Shoe Ramblings on April 05, 2009 (boomark / email).