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Law Humor

: Bernard Madoff

Midas Madoff; Mad as Hell!..

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From: Mr. Bernard L. Madoff 61727-054A
To: Mr. Eric Fartman, I mean Starkman
President of Whatever ..

Dear Mr. Starkman,

This to acknowledge receipt of your moronic letter.1. No, You most certainly may NOT call me Bernie. 

We have never met, and we never will.

2. I thought I would get protected from junk mail here at the MCC, but your  missive came through.

3. What? You've done such great things for Shana, you think I need your  services??That's all Ruthie needs --another retainer plus hourly fees and  expenses goniff.  Not happening. Tell the same to that dipshit Felder.

   Public Relations (my new friend, Frankie S. says I should call it pubic  relations),  is about the last thing on my mind these days. Although I'm thinking that the new Topps baseball card with my image--the one to the right-- is going to be fantastic.Even if the Shorin family didn't invest with us, it'll be great when they start sending me those royalties after  putting my image on their cards.
But as far as hiring you is concerned, I didn't like your pitch, and I really do not like anyone named Eric. If you can put a spin on why my firm didn't even get the cost of the black and chrome furniture and the flat panel screens from that Castor Pollux group out of Boston, maybe I'll reconsider.
I'm thinking the real spin is a curve ball thrown at Picard. This idiot is literally giving away multi-million dollars worth of high end, designer furniture and fixtures for pennies on the dollar. That's not even taking into account our brand recognition. That's worth tens of millions! Actually, its worth billions!
Is that what I responsible trustee is supposed to do?? I don't think so.
On the other hand, if you find out that Castor is just fronting for Cohmad,  so they can buy the stuff on the cheap, then your job will be to make sure nobody else finds out. Speak to Sonny about that.

    Finally, I am NOT signing this letter since everyone is now analyzing  my handwriting. Why I don't know. Peter signed plenty of checks.So don't even think about selling this letter for some kind of PR memorabilia.