Home -> Law Blog Directory -> Law Students Blogs -> [ Useless Dicta ]

Law Students

: [ Useless Dicta ]

Where Does the Story End?

I used to think that law school is a really scary roller coaster with the hundred foot drops, multiple loops, speeds that reach 80 mph that goes both forwards and backwards through the track before finally coming to a screeching halt.

That screeching halt is very near, 2 months and 3 days to be precise, and yet somehow I think that law school may have just been the warm up ride for what lies ahead. The thought that at the end of 3 long years law school will have been nothing more than the kiddie coaster is a thought that truly scares me. And yet, I'm not scared because of the work that lies ahead after graduation day. Sure, I'm a little anxious about the impending summer of bar exam study, and I get nervous at the thought of doing a simple DUI jury trial, but that's not the stuff that really scares me.

What's been bothering me lately is the thought that after 3 years of hard work in school, 2 years of hard work at my internship, and hours of agony, I may come out of this on the other end with no job, massive debt, and facing the very real possibility that i may have to move back in with my parents. I want to be a prosecutor, so I guess at least I have direction in my life for once. I used to worry that I had no idea where I was going or what I wanted, but now I'm terrified that for the first time in my life I actually know what I want to be when I grow up. The idea that I may not get to be what I want to be is horrible. It's not that I don't think I can't get the job I want. It's just that I don't know if I actually will. There are 5 other interns, all of whom are fabulous, that I will be up against for a job. There's just no way to know if there will be spots for any of us, and if so, how many. Sure, I can always apply to other prosecutor's offices in my state, but most of those offices have their own interns who will be applying for jobs in those office, so at the end of the day it really is an all or nothing kind of scenario. I'm either going to get my dream job (and have to work long hours and do grunt work for at least 3 years before I get to do anything fun that actually makes me want to be a prosecutor), or I'm going to have to start my search from scratch. I'm not sure I can endure the second option. It took me so long to finally discover what I want out of my life, I'm not sure I will be able to bounce back from a rejection that takes its aim straight at those goals and dreams.

Living everyday in limbo is becoming both exhausting and excruciating. The ironic thing is that I envy my friends who have secure job offers after graduation, and yet it is abundantly clear that they are also scared. However, their fear is a different kind of fear. It's a fear of failing the bar. I have no idea why I'm envious of them, because I know that if I had a firm job offer, an offer for my "dream job," I would also be dealing with the same nagging fear of flunking the bar.

Is the end of the law school roller coaster supposed to be like this? Instead of relief and accomplishment waiting on the other side of the tunnel, does this story instead end with anxiety, fear, and possible failure?

Full post as published by [ Useless Dicta ] on March 14, 2009 (boomark / email).