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Most of them to the girl they dated directly after me. 

One of them who isn't married does have a serious girlfriend though. He is in the Army (and with his poor sense of both direction & common sense I fear for our nation, I kid you not) and he apparently had some girl waiting/pining for him back in the States because she is constantly tagging him in photos on Facebook. So I log onto Facebook and have on my feed that "Mr. Ex Has Been Tagged in 18 Photos"...and the creepy part is, he isn't in them. Because he is in a desert, fighting a war. But she tags away with captions like "Miss you snookums" and I gag a little internally. So he is as good as engaged, right? Right. 

The other one who isn't engaged or married is a professional cage fighter and trust me, if I had seen those tendancies when I was 16, we  wouldn't have dated. But he was a senior & he took me to senior Cotillion, and I really think we can end the subject of him & his new career right here, other than to say I think we all know why he isn't engaged.  

But the rest of them. I don't know what I do to them. They date me, we break up...and they get married. Granted a large number of them are Mormon, but um, seriously? We dated in high school dude. And then you dated the girl who sat behind me in AP American History and now you are married with kids and live in a log cabin. WTF? 

One of them has a blog that I found by accident, I swear. My first boyfriend. He and his wife (incidentally, she appears to be, oh, 18 years old) have a blog and I stumbled across it (story for another day: everyone I went to high school with has blogs, and they all link to each other, and in their blogs they recount the day to day toils of their married with children lives for each other to read and THEY ALL STILL HANG OUT WITH EACH OTHER AHHHHHHHHHHHH so basically they all already know that Jayyden & Jaquie are cutting new teeth because they were all there for it but they have these blogs & blog about it anyway and dude, that's weird right?!) and I discovered that Mr. Huge Head (he did have a huge head) and his wife use phrases like "Now that I provide for Mrs. Big Head she has become a considerably better homemaker & chef with her new-found time at home" and then I throw up a little because I dated this dude. Granted I was 15 and our big date was when we went sledding, but still. Hi chauvinist! Glad to know you haven't changed! I'm glad I dumped you when you told me that you couldn't take me to Homecoming because you were not 16. Hahah! I won! 

Except I dumped him and started dating Mr. Log Cabin, and well. He was lame and his truck was embarrassing. But he did shovel my snowy driveway at my house whenever my Dad was out of town, a tradition that all future boyfriends kept up. Which would have been cool except my Mom made me bake them a batch of cookies every time they did it, and honestly? It snows a lot in Utah so I baked a hell of a lot of cookies. 

Oh! And one of my ex's is divorced. I feel we are a little young to be divorced, but he did get married when he was 19, so who knows. A lot can happen. But I'm happy to report he's engaged, to a woman with a little boy, so um, yeah. It still fits my theory. (And man, Facebook minifeed is weird & provides me with information I would not necessarily solicit on my own thankyouverymuch.) 

So I'm wondering if this is something that the rest of my readers have dealt with? Are all of your ex's married? Or do they still get really drunk on Friday night and call you at 4 am, much to your dismay? I'm just wondering if all of my ex's being married is normal or not, so I'm taking a poll. Very scientific. Go. 

PS- I apologize for the prolific use of the word dude, but honestly, I'm a little dismayed by this and that is the best word I have. 

PPS- BISMOW, I'm very glad we don't live in a log cabin & that you don't have a big head or have a career as a professional cage fighter. Just saying. 

PPPS- BISMOW, if you ever use the phrase "provide for her so she is now a better homemaker" I will use my largest law school texbook to smack you upside the head. 

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