Law Humor

What Does James Simons and me, Bernie Madoff have in common?

You know, plenty of people have been asking me, "What's the difference between you and Jim Simons?" Honestly (and I don't lie!), I don't know Jim Simons personally, and I don't know about Renaissance Technology--the investment fund that he manages. Its all very secretive, unlike BMIS.

Yeah, I read that every year for the past 10 years or so, he's produced 25%+ returns on more than $20 billion of capital. I could say "wow"!, after all, it was pretty darn tough for us to deliver 10%+ returns on half that amount of capital, especially after paying as much as 5% to the feeder funds and their managers and introducers and brokers.

But, all I know is that I never really trusted people that wore beards (that's him on the upper right). We didn't wear them, and we didn't use them. And, we were never so secretive about how we did what we did. We showed our trades to our investors. All very transparent. And, we were registered with all of the necessary regulatory agencies and self-governing bodies. That's very important.

But, don't get me wrong. I think he's probably a very smart guy. Maybe even smarter than me. And there are more than a few traders on Wall Street that did much better than me. I never said anything different.

I don't know how much he donates to charities, but I can tell you that my investors include some of the most charitable people in the world. Not just the country, but the world. And, most of them had big big tax bills that they paid to Uncle Sam. Maybe some of them didn't. I don't know. And if they didn't, then they should be put at the back of the line as far as SIPC or any other reimbursements that the government provides.

But I've already explained why the TARP program should step in--which would alleviate the need for SIPC to pay out anything. I've made the case for that idea very clear. If you didn't see it, scroll back to my comments from last week.

Think about it; Hank Paulson bamboozled the Fed to print up $700 billion+ and deposit into places like Goldman, Citi, BofA, AIG (I happen to like Hank Greenberg, so no disrespect intended). The point is, what the f--k is going on with that cash? Nobody has a clue! Including Barney Fife...oops, I mean Barney Frank. I'm sorry Barney, I know that you and Chuck Schumer are busting your chops on this problem. For Gods sakes though, call up Spitzer, he still has some juice, and he wants to get some of his money back too! You know how much a good hooker costs these days??

Speaking of chops, you know who has the absolute best veal chop in New York? Del Frisco's. We're ordering in from there tonight! (Ruth is getting a bit nuts with practicing her kosher recipes these days, and as great as she is at cooking books..I mean writing cook books..I thought I'd treat the security team and those federal marshals outside, and order in for everyone tonight..)

Full post as published by Bernard Madoff on January 04, 2009 (boomark / email).