Miscellaneous

No. Really. I Was Just Adjusting My Pants. Vigorously.

You hear about airplane sexual shenanigans a lot (in fact, an episode of "Entourage" this season centered on an airplane hand-job), but what I want to know is: How do you get away with that shit? There's no where you can go on a plane where you're not in view of at least a few people, besides the bathroom, but really, what two people can actually manage to monkey-bone in one of those tiny lavatories without getting a sink handle stuck in the wrong entry?

For example, take this guy -- Lucas Steven Knudson -- who claims he was just adjusting his pants, which were too tight. Adjusting his pants for four minutes. Adjusting his pants with his eyes rolled back in his head. Adjusting his pants with his toes curled.

Uh huh.

The Darwin Magistrates Court yesterday was told Knudson, 32, had just landed on board Virgin Blue flight DJ449 from Brisbane when he was escorted off the plane by Australian Federal Police after masturbating for "maybe four minutes" underneath his tray table in view of mother-of-two Simone Holt.

The court heard the man - wearing jeans, a flannelette shirt, white socks and thongs - told airport officers her story was "bull----".

But the two police officers who spoke to him after the midnight flight on April 11 said his jeans were not "overly tight".

After a two-hour hearing, magistrate Tanya Fong Lim found Knudson, from the northern NSW town of Ballina, guilty of committing an indecent act on the plane under the Commonwealth Crimes Aviation Act.

Ms Holt, from Kununurra in the northwest of WA, was emotional as she told the court she awoke about three hours into the flight to see Knudson masturbating.

The teacher's aide said she was seated on a window seat in row 11 with no one between her and Knudson in the aisle seat - and he was shielding his activity from other passengers and flight attendants on the other side with his shirt.

Ms Holt said she turned her reading light on to indicate she was awake and he "should cease" the act.

She said he did stop "somewhat" but left his genitals exposed outside of his jeans.

Man alive: That is not how you wanna wake up during a flight. With some guy's brain peering out at you. Here's a suggestion: Adjust your jeans at home, you sick asshole.

Full post as published by Quiz Law on November 18, 2008 (boomark / email).