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Sometimes I feel stuck. Not in life per se, but more geographically stuck.

My husband has always been willing to move somewhere else for my career. He was an Army brat; it's not a big deal to him. Also, he can get work anywhere. But I often feel like I've missed out by not leaving "home" and going somewhere else.

Maybe everyone feels like that, but I also hate the lack of opportunities here. I still feel myself pulled towards working for the federal government, even though I "officially" gave up that dream years ago. I've often thought Commerce or State would be a really good fit, even though I've always been more attracted to the "sexier" jobs of CIA and the Bureau. I've always had an interest in security, and my current qualifications could potentially get me there. But is it what I want?

I think my continued interest in the federal government is in part because of disatisfaction with my usual line of work. I want to feel like my work makes a difference, not just gets me a paycheck. That's often tough to do in litigation, when people are just squabbling over money. Sometimes in Plaintiff's work you get cases where people really need the money for medical treatment, etc., and it isn't just about greed, but I've seen that very rarely.

I guess I'm just feeling heightened disatisfaction with my work prospects. Even if I manage to get a job next year, in a floundering market here in Barely Metropolitan City, I'm beginning to realize it's probably not going to be one I want. I'm torn between satisfaction in my life, having a nice place to live, wonderful friends and family nearby, and poor job satisfaction, to taking a chance, going after my "dream job," uprooting my family, and possibly giving up the rest of the satisfaction, for a job I might not even like any better.

My husband believes I make many decisions based on complacency, my desire to keep the status quo and my lack of willingness to take a chance. Maybe that's true.

Anyway, in the spirit of taking a chance, I've decided to apply for the Presidential Management Fellows Program, as well as applying for jobs with the federal government. If I get interviews, great. If I don't, well, it wasn't meant to be. If I get a job offer in Washington, and none here, then I know my path. If I get job offers both in Washington and here, well, I'll have a lot of soul-searching to do.

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