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: Legally Blonde Ambition

Chapter 3

By "Daisy Duke"

When I started law school in the fall of 2005 I was alone. Utterly, completely alone. As my senior year of college began to speed towards graduation I had a plan. I was moving to the Big City, far away from Utah (where my parents were) and the South (where the rest of my family was). During college I'd had a serious boyfriend, one who stole my heart and handed it back to me in a small box, tightly wrapped to contain the pieces. I held on to them dearly for I was sure that in the Big City I'd figure out how to put them all back together again, the way they fit together when I lived in New Orleans, when I knew who I was and what I wanted. He broke up with me right before we had started our senior year, but as a typical senior year of college went it was a busy whirlwind of friends and lazy Sunday morning brunches, of finishing my major and squeezing in one last morning at Cafe Du Monde....and I was sure I was over it, over him.

So I graduated and packed my bags and four days later I flew up to the Big City and awaited my household goods. I'd rented a small studio overlooking the city with high ceilings and a doorman and in my mind... I was going to make it. A friend of mine had flown up with me and helped me set up my bed and carry the heavy boxes into the living room so I could unpack them. The first few nights we explored my new city, found restaurants and pockets of shops that I was sure I would soon know like the back of my hand. Then, after the requisite time, my friend left.

And there I was. For the first time since my freshman year of college I was in a big city where I knew...nobody. Worse yet there was no mandatory orientation meeting in a few hours where I was sure to meet at least someone to eat lunch with- and even worse, absent my parents, there was no one on that familiar speed dial where he had once been, who I could call for no other reason than needing to hear another human voice.

The next day I made my way out into the city and quickly found a retail job to bring in some cash until my student loans came in, and to frankly, get out of the house. That summer went by slowly, I carried a map with me everywhere I went because I was bound to get lost. I called my parents every day to hear about things that were familiar and I pined for my apartment in New Orleans, filled with people and memories I missed so dearly.

My first day of law school finally arrived and as I sat in that auditorium I was certain I was going to hate it. And, for awhile I did. Of course on that first day I met Scarlett (we bonded over being Southern and in this big damn city where there was no sweet tea), Anonymous Hottie (we bonded over going to awesome colleges in awesome towns and, oh wow, we were even in the same sorority...now shhh lets not talk about such nonsense) and even PAG, who, as I've told you, wasn't the best meeting we could have had.

Those first few years of law school went by and I was still lonely. Certainly I'd made friends but in my mind, I was above it all. I'd done this before and I certainly wasn't here to make new friends, I was here for a degree that led to a job. I was the only single one among my friends and while they all snuggled their nights away I went home to my studio apartment that overlooked the skyline. I thought I was content. Every so often I'd think about him and wonder if I'd stayed in law school down South, like he had, if we'd be studying Civil Procedure together, planning a life together after school. Instead, I studied it alone.

Now, with two weeks to graduation I've realized that none of those truths are there anymore. In fact, some of these girls I've met along the way arn't merely fillers for when my ladies of New Orleans aren't available...they have become just as important to me. And somehow I met a boy, who has filled that lonely void in my life that I didn't even realize was there until it was gone. Instead, now I realize that a college love is just that, and it is meant to stay there, in the past. I wouldn't be in my present if it weren't for my past, but for the first time since moving to the Big City I've realized that my past is staying put...and I'm just fine with that.

I've also realized that in this new era of my life that my heart is whole again...it might be a different shape, and it might be indelibly marked from events in my life - birthdays, New Orleans, traveling, failed relationships, Hurricane Katrina, family struggles, and moments of happiness- but that I am, again, whole.

I suppose that means it is time for another chapter.

And I hope that the next few years are as good as the last.

Full post as published by Legally Blonde Ambition on May 04, 2008 (boomark / email).