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Follow-Ups and Non Sequiturs

By Anonymous

I don't have anything comprehensive to write about today, so here's a few comments I wanted to add to past posts.

One thing I meant to say in "Never Ready", is that the reason I started crying wasn't because of the horrible memories (they're bad, but they don't make me cry anymore), but rather because of all the warm, supportive comments from readers, most of whom I don't know. They were pretty incredible and I was reminded of how much I relied on this blog during that dark time. The support of my family and friends literally kept me going- they made me food (friends), made me eat it (mom), and were just a physical presence of support and love. But it was the blog that became my lifeline. My outlet to express my outrage and then my fear; my diary to record details I knew I wouldn't remember; and a source of overflowing validation and kindness. Having my family and friends stand behind me was important of course, but at a time when it's strangers who have control over your life and don't believe what you're telling them, having other strangers tell you they believe you, tell you how much your story affected them, and write such wonderful things meant more than hearing my friends say the same thing. I've said thank you a lot, and meant it, but the other night it hit me just how much those comments helped me. Any time I wasn't sleeping or on the phone or visiting Landon in that horrible place, I had my laptop in my lap, writing a new post and reading all the comments from past ones. And I think it was the continually overflowing inbox that kept me from drowning in despair and fear. So many of those tears the other night were tears of gratitude and awe. Maybe someday if I can handle it, I'd like to read the ones from previous posts, I know I'll be overwhelmed again, but in a good way.

Second, when I typed up my daily schedule the other day I didn't want to make it sound bad or like I was complaining about it, and I hope I didn't. It's certainly busy and there are times when I long for the years when JP and I can lounge in bed on a Saturday morning, reading the paper, arguing about the articles, and reminiscing about the crazy days of our youth. But in general, I feel lucky to have the days that I do - JP is my partner in every sense, Landon is such a joy, and despite the impending paper deadlines and moving madness, I'm blessed to have the stresses that I do. Landon even slept in until 6:02 this morning, so everyone in the Lag Liv household is feeling pretty chipper.

Now I am off to the dentist to pick up a mouth guard because apparently stress has caused me to start grinding my teeth. I have no less than 12 fractures going straight from top to bottom in various teeth and have ground all the enamel off the bottom few. And to think I went so many years of my life without this destructive little habit. Just another thing the law school admissions booklets don't warm you about.

Full post as published by Lag Liv on April 25, 2008 (boomark / email).