Family Law

Hiring a Divorce Lawyer :: The Do's

By J. Benjamin Stevens

Divorce involves a series of important decisions that will impact the rest of your life.  One of the first, and most important, decisions that you must make is which attorney to hire to represent you.  There are several things that you should and shouldn't do when making this decision.  Earlier this week, we looked at what not to do, and today we examine what you should do when facing a divorce.

The Do's:

• Just because your friend had a good experience with an attorney doesn't mean they are the right one for you. Trust your gut.
• Pick a specialist. While they may be more expensive per hour, they have more experience and in the long run will be both cost and time effective.
• Aggression doesn't insure a 'win'. An overly aggressive attorney may fan the flames of conflict rather than move toward resolution.
• Pick an attorney who understands this isn't about 'winning'. He should understand divorce is about a major change in the family and that more than the 'bottom line' will be affected. A good family attorney is willing, when necessary to work with your therapist. He is focused on the family's post divorce situation and understands the interconnectedness of the family does not end with the dissolution of the marriage. In short, they can see the 'big picture'.
• A consultation is like a first date, what you see is probably what you get. Don't pick someone who minimizes your concerns, is sarcastic or dismissive. Don't ignore your own radar by dismissing his/her behavior in favor of excellent credentials.
• Use your therapist as a therapist and your attorney as your attorney, without confusing the two.  Efficient utilization of your professionals will keep costs down, provide you with better information and effective support.
• Share pertinent information with your attorney, even if you find it embarrassing to do so. Your attorney is not there to judge you, and if you don't give him the information he needs, you cut down on his ability to effectively represent you. Never assume that drinking, abuse or affairs are not relevant even if you live in a 'no fault' state. Underreporting or minimizing can result in your not getting the best settlement. ALWAYS tell your attorney if there are weapons in your home.
• Try to stick with the facts. The emotions get processed with your therapist.
• Talk frankly about costs up front and what you will be charged for. Some women are shocked when they are billed for phone calls, e-mails, etc. as they have come to rely so strongly on their lawyer that they mistake this working relationship for friendship.
• Finally, be clear the court is not going to reward you for pain and suffering. Settlements aren't based on how betrayed or rejected you feel. Keeping an objective attitude regarding the legal system can play a big part in keeping your expectations realistic.

Source: "Considering Divorce?" by Donna Ferber, LPC, LADC, published at her blog. 

Full post as published by SC Family Law Blog on February 23, 2011 (boomark / email).