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Well, Ben Stein and the boyz are expanding their horizons. Up to now they have been peddling their cinematic fairy tale mostly to the ministerial set. Now they are moving on to the politicians. Come this Wednesday, the producers of Excrement: The Movie will be screening it for Florida lawmakers. Completely coincidentally, of course, some members of the legislature are proposing a piece of Newspeak legislation known as the "academic freedom" bill. But true to form, the movie makers want to restrict who gets to see it, presumably to limit the damage that will come when anyone with a bit of critical judgment gets to talk about it.

The press and public are banned from Wednesday's prescreening at the Challenger Learning Center.

''It's kind of an irony: The public is expelled from a movie called Expelled,'' said House Democratic leader Dan Gelber of Miami Beach, who summed up the legislation as "problematic."

Hopefully, "problematic" is diplomatic legislative terminology for "dead in the water."

But this is the topper. Rep. D. Alan Hays, the bill's sponsor in the Florida House, said that he is not promoting the movie or the bill to destroy evolution but simply to allow teachers and students to discuss ''the full range'' of problems and ideas surrounding Darwin's theory without fear of punishment.

I want a balanced policy. I want students taught how to think, not what to think. There are problems with evolution. Have you ever seen a half-monkey, half human?

Lordy! Straight lines like that are so rare! ... North of the Florida border, that is.
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