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Pro Leagues Adopt Cylon Detection for Athletes

By Rick Karcher, Michael McCann, Geoffrey Rapp, Greg Skidmore, and Howard Wasserman

Here again public pressure yields another pesky requirement in leagues' focus on obtaining legitimate scientific data to ensure a level playing field. Today, Major League Baseball and the National Football League announced that league negotiators have reached an agreeement with union representatives to begin subjecting professional athletes to rigorous Cylon detection during both the scheduled season and during respective off-seasons.

"It's about a level playing field," explained MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. "Robotic organisms have a huge advantage in terms of hand-eye coordination and fans demanded that we ensure no professional athletes have such an unfair leg up on the competition."

Speaking in a joint press conference, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell explained, "While we have no specific evidence that any players are alien cyborgs, we don't want our league to become just a televised version of Cyberball."

"It's about time," responded US Anti-Doping Agency CEO Travis Tygart. "Cylons have been a major problem in professional cycling for years and it was only a matter of time before they penetrated the upper echelons of American sports."

In related news, Brooklyn Law School announced it will field an NCAA basketball team, Sidd Finch was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, and UConn Center Hasheem Thabeet failed an NCAA drug test.

Full post as published by Sports Law Blog on April 01, 2009 (boomark / email).