Legal Commentary

Bad Santa Meet Bad Christian

By Kevin Funnell

Not a day goes by without a friend, client, colleague, family member, casual "acquaintance," or perfect stranger asking me: "How can a jackass like you claim to be a Christian"?

I always utter a wry chuckle, hook my thumbs through my suspenders, lean back, glance up briefly at the sky, fix my questioner with a knowing gaze, and reply: "That's a damn good question, Hoss. Glad you asked it."

Here are my answers:

• I said ?I?m Bitchin?? not ?I?m Christian.?
• I lied.
• I said I was a Christian, not a good Christian.
• It hasn't "taken" yet? Wait here, I'll try it again.
• The Lord only gets to work on the engine that's under the hood the day the car rolls into the shop. If it's out of fluids, needs a valve job, the undercarriage is rusted and its bearings are shot, its going to take some time to rebuild it.
• I only get to be a perfect Christian after I die. Ain't quite there yet, but I'm getting closer, day-by-day.
• You think I'm a jackass now? You should have seen me before I found Jesus.
• Please allow me to introduce myself
  I'm a man of wealth and taste
  I've been around for a long, long year
  Stole many a man's soul and faith.
• Nice glass house you're livin' in there, Mother Teresa.
• You one of those "jackassophobes" I read about? You need to check into a political correctness re-education camp, pronto.
• God loves jackasses just as much as he does you. Maybe more.

Full post as published by Counseling Kevin on May 15, 2010 (boomark / email).